In network marketing a story is told of how to identify potential customers. People are referred to as red, green or rotten apples. The red apples are people who say immediately, ”Sure I’ll try that.” Green apples need more information, asking, and “let me read this stuff and I’ll get back to you.” Then there are the rotten apples which are usually family members saying, “No way that’s not any good, forget about it.” I’m a preverbal red apple.

Last night I dreamed of a lovely red, ripe apple with a dime size bruise, low toward the apple’s base. The skin shielding the bruise was thin, fragile, transparent seeming barely able to protect the soft, brown flesh from exposure. The bruise looked like it had been there a very, very long time. Suddenly, three legs of a red shiny spider appeared as it crawled from the backside of the apple slowly inching on to the crown. Once atop of the apple she stood proud and strong with her eight legs spread solidly, as if she had just summitted Everest and was enjoying taking in the view.

The spider slowly moved one leg forward with an easy fluid momentum encouraging the other legs to follow suit. Traveling slowly and gingerly down the face of the apple the spider focused on the bruised area. It stopped just above the injured area and appeared to look at the spot with rapt interest. It wasn’t that kind of confused interest that says “this is in my way, how do I  cross this spot.” No, more like a stalking predator that has found prey body language, the pause before the lethal pounce.
Then the spider lowered her mouth to the outside edge of the bruise and took a bite. A secession of bites followed, slowly and methodically tracing the parameter of the wound. It felt as if the spider could consume the apple, completely. I woke up.

Some dream, Huh? I intuitively feel I am the apple but couldn’t figure what that spider eating me up, is? Ah now they, who ever they may be, you know scientist and such, say our dreams are our unconscious mind playing out answers to questions we have about our lives. The asking of questions can take many of forms from shouting “what the heck is going on?” to whispered prayers of “ please give me a sign” or silent prose.

Recently my asking has been in the form of silent prose, a practice called Soul Writing. Writing is not new to me but this type of writing practice is. The process is; I write each morning for 10 minutes about an event and the feelings related to that event. There are a few other things that go along with this process, but that’s about the gist of it. Easy, peasy.

So, about two weeks ago I began writing about feelings of anger, annoyance and irritation concerning a situation of miscommunication. After three days of writing, this dream happened and the original event morphed into what was really eating me, resentment. I’ve been looking for a new place to live for three months and not having success finding wheelchair accessible pad and I’m resentful at how hard it is to find a place to live.  Resentment morphed into a spider eating the apple, me. Really clear, right? Well it is to me and I’ll splain it to you.

We all have unconscious stuff we have to deal with. During the 36 years I’ve had my SCI, feelings of resentment, that my life is harder because I use a wheelchair, (comparison is a deadly poison when ingested) come up now and again. Over the years I’ve come to recognize this “resentment stuff” before much, if any, damage is done.

So, the deal is how we deal, right? My practices to alert me and I head “the stuff” off at the pass before a massacre can occur. You know what I mean, before any limiting beliefs start creating havoc in my life, like that miscommunication situation. Before I could cause any harm, I followed my practice acting consciously, rather than unconsciously, by writing down and exploring the issue discovering it was mostly me, not them.

Creating conscious practices to hear when “the stuff” is shifting and moving in me has given me peace. I’m making peace with my SCI and with "what is" in my life, so that I can authentically act from a place of truth. Cool huh! And the really, really cool part is the more I practice listening to my intuition the better I get at hearing my truth, no kidding! And the truth is that I make my life hard or easy, it’s all up to me how I want to see, perceive any situation.

Back to the red spider, once I was clear that she’s resentment and here to lovingly remind me to pay attention to my feelings, I let her go, unharmed. The bruise is still on the apple, for now, but it is better protected. Oh, and I found a wheelchair accessible apartment. What do you know, it works! 

Blessings to all, in joy, Candace

“Calmness of mind is one of the beautiful jewels of wisdom.  When you are calm, having learned how to govern your own emotions, how to govern your own mind, you know how to access the gifts of the universe.  Your prosperity increases, your opportunity to make a difference for good expands, and you live with a license of a higher order of being.” James Allen from  the book,  As a Man Thinketh.

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