My son is paralyzed

My son is paralyzed

Posted by Marva45426 on Aug 19, 2013 5:37 pm

My son was shot in July 2012, and at the time I was at work when I found out it was devastating to me.  He is only 20 years old, and he is paralyzed from his shoulders down.  He has been in several hospitals, and a nursing home.  I promised him to bring him home, and I did after a struggle.  Now he is home, and it is so hard to vent when I have no one to vent to.  My husband helps but he doesn't really know how I feel.  The most important thing is I don't know what to do, because he don't want to even get out of bed, and I feel that he has given up on me as well as himself.

RE: My son is paralyzed

Posted by Arlene on Aug 20, 2013 4:56 pm

give him time. I have a spinal cord injury which happened in 1972 !! I was 22 at the time of my accident. I was paralyzed also from the shoulders down, but nerves CAN and Do regenerate.long . It is hard to lose the life you have known. I was a professional water skier at ABC Marine World in Calif.  I was also going to college at the same time. I decided not to marry the assistant water ski director because I did not think he could cope with my problems, which WAS a very good decision, he couldn't have. I had to relearn to walk twice due to surgeries and errors in the surgery. I did NOT have any support from my family.  My mother actually said "no one wants to hear about your problems". THAT was a huge slap in my face and I went into a LONG depression. I would say keep talking and ask if he wants to talk, open the door and keep it open. If he wants to stay in bed let him, he will decide when he is ready to get out of bed. There is NO life In bed, I found that out, especially when you can't even do what others do in bed. Don't push, Don't pull, just be there if and when he needs you. I had to reinvent my life, I am now married to the same man for 25 years, I feel guilty that I cannot be a "normal" wife, but for some reason he loves me just for me being me. LOVE is the answer.... just let him know that you are there when and if he needs you for anything. Nia Brazil

RE: My son is paralyzed

Posted by Arlene on Aug 20, 2013 4:58 pm

hope you read my message, I think about you and your son..Arlene aka Nia

RE: My son is paralyzed

Posted by Audrey on Aug 20, 2013 5:49 pm

Hi Marva, 

Hang in there!!!  My 15 yr old son was paralyzed from the neck down going on 4 years ago, and at the time was unable to breathe, eat, or speak.  We brought him home and worked with him and thank God he is now able to do all three, but it was tough.  The great news is he is now living independently, going to college and enjoying life.  

Take care of yourself and your husband as well as your son, it sounds weird but you all suffer. Don't feel badly about venting, this is what we are all here for.  

There are resources out there, there is a world out there that will be happy to welcome him back whenever he is ready.  99% of what will determine a person's life is in their heads, so if he decides he wants to carry on with his life regardless of how his body is he WILL.

HANG IN THERE, we are all cheering you on from out here!

RE: My son is paralyzed

Posted by Dion_2152087 on Aug 21, 2013 8:40 pm

First, my prayers are with you at this challenging time in you & your family\'s life and your sons. Going from an able person to having your life as you knew it stripped abruptly is a shock for everyone in the life of the injured. Hang in there and don\'t give up. Easily said and a struggle to accomplish at first - it will get better. No matter what happens in the future things will be forever different but how you approach it will make all the difference. Seek and have a strong support structure. Many people will magically disappear but many more genuine people will appear just as magically =) I have been paralyzed at T-4 since 2001 I am a single mom of two wonderful children and until recently worked full-time and went to college full-time. At first I REFUSED to accept my paralysis and struggled with my new body but I\'m here to tell you my life is happily full regardless of my body. People even forget I\'m paralyzed because they see past my chair since the focus is me as a person not the paralysis. As a mom it is probably the most painful experience to see your child hurting physically or emotionally. Our children are our center of life and we as moms have to keep going and not fall apart when all we want to do is throw our hands up and say \"Enough!\" But God made Moms super strong for times like this. Take care of yourself show your son through your actions that your not giving up. The strides they have made for SCI is staggering there are more support groups and available information now than 12 years ago - thankfully to the efforts of Reeves organization. Happily I would be a source of support during this difficult transition and any psych therapy you can get for you and your family would greatly help because you have to have a safe outlet for your emotions and feelings.

RE: My son is paralyzed

Posted by Sandi_2152711 on Sep 15, 2013 10:49 pm

First let me say that I am sorry to hear that this happened to your son and now you as a family.  What I learned along the way is that its much harder for a male to rebound from a catastrophic injury then it is for a woman.  If there are other men in the area that can be of support to him, this would be helpful.  Where I live we have mentoring and outreach thru the rehab hospital that links a newly injured with a person who is living and prospering with SCI.   I have been in a wheelchair for 27 years, was going thru a divorce, had two small children to raise.  I think having the kids waiting didn't give me the option to sit and think about where I was or what was happening to me so it was an easier transition.  Also because my accident was due to my own stupidity, picking mistletoe 33 ft off the ground gave me no choice but to place blame squarely on myself for where I was.  A lot of things play into how a person reacts to life after SCI.  For myself, I became a wheelchair racer (yes there are quads that race as well, fewer of them but they do it and there are divisions for them) traveled the world, did most of the major marathons in the US and that was all after my kids were grown and raised.  Im 52 now.  Be patient with him, and equally as important, be patient with you.  As one of the respondents said earlier, there is no life in bed...that is the crux of it all.  I would caution you to understand that men suffer depression more then women do in cases such as this and they also are more prone to decide that life is not worth it.  I don't want to be negative at all but I want to be real and let you know the whole scope.  There are a number of people in the sport community that were shot.  Its hard to come to terms and not feel resentment when something is taken from you without your permission.  A male ego does not like to be helpless or not able to do the things that they pride themselves on so much.  Please, get support from another male SCI that can come and perhaps show him about life after injury.  He can still have children, still have a relationship, still be the man.  And please, Marva, get some support for you.  As mothers we suffer when our kids do, we feel helpless and out of control.  We resent what happens to them and we try to fix it.  He is going to have to do this, but only he can make that decision.  I wish you both the best!!  Prayers and thoughts are with you.  Please come back to this discussion any time.  As you can see, you have already received some wonderful and caring responses from people who are currently living with an SCI.  Bless you  

Re: My son is paralyzed

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