Relationship while depending on caregivers

Relationship while depending on caregivers

Posted by Mikel85 on Jan 7, 2018 8:09 pm

Hello guys! I have a bit of a situation that I am not sure of how to handle and would really like some feedback.
To set the scene, I am 32, and have been a quadriplegic since 1999. For all this time my main caregiver has been my mom through the week, and the past few years I have been able to branch out and hire nonfamily people to work on weekends.
Here is where the situation gets complicated…
I recently met a guy, and we seem to be hitting it off well. We have been talking for two weeks now, and we met in person on New Year's Eve and spent the night together (nothing dirty LOL, he simply put his arm around me and we slept). We have talked every day since then, and he plans on his days off to come see me (we live 1.5 hours away from each other). However, his days off are through the week when my mom is here. I'm just unsure of how to balance having a relationship while having caregivers and especially my mom.
I'm just wondering if anybody has been in the sort of situation, and how you have handled it.
I appreciate any input :-)

Re: Relationship while depending on caregivers

Posted by Mi on Jan 7, 2018 9:51 pm

How did you get together on New Years Eve? Where did you spend that night ? Where he took care of you and had alone time together? Do you drive? That's where my confusion is for feedback to help until I know completely what you are looking for? Mom,aware of this friend? Is it a secret?

Re: Relationship while depending on caregivers

Posted by Mikel85 on Jan 7, 2018 10:05 pm

Sorry, I should have expanded further.
We met on New Year's Eve because my weekend caregiver agreed to stay an extra night so that my mom and her husband could spend New Year's Eve together. So, not wanting to stay home, I rented a suite at a hotel, So that I had a private bedroom. He did not take care of me, my caregiver did everything. I don't drive.
That is also something I am unsure about, but then again, it would be completely up to him and his comfort level. But I don't want him to feel as though he is just another caregiver. It is hard to explain how I feel about that, but I want the relationship to be more of a true "relationship" and not a "sleeping with my caregiver" LOL

Re: Relationship while depending on caregivers

Posted by Mi on Jan 7, 2018 11:13 pm

Do your parents know about this guy? Is he willing to stay at a hotel during the week when visiting? Or is the 1.5 hour drive cool with him togo back and forth? The caregiver that took you to this hotel did he drive you there with family accessible van? Do you take paratransit? Either or could you meet for a date at a Dave & Busters or restaurant? Do you live in a house with an extra room if he stayed over? I know your a grown man, the reason I'm being so detailed I was and still am in a similar situation. Live with my parents. I do drive. Before I met my boyfriend of five years I was on dating sites. Never brought the slime buckets home lol Actually My boyfriend now was the first and he lives in his own place 12 miles from me. So always sleeping at his house. I was injured in 199 C5 c6 C7, Are you in manual or power? The relationship is new . All the driving is on him right now. Is he expecting overnight stay again? Again what's the family situation? Do they know? When is he planning to come to you again?

Re: Relationship while depending on caregivers

Posted by Mi on Jan 7, 2018 11:15 pm

1998. When I mean similar situation I'm talking about living with the parents and not having privacy

Re: Relationship while depending on caregivers

Posted by Mikel85 on Jan 8, 2018 12:55 am

Well, I don't Technically live with my mom. It is my apartment and she comes and stays Monday-Friday since I require 24-hour care. Her house is only five minutes away.
I haven't told her how potentially serious this relationship might be. I plan on telling her this week and having a discussion about possible scenarios if/when he comes up.
When we went to the hotel, my caregiver drove me in my van. I do plan on planning a date, but transportation logistics are complicated. Since, like I say I live in the middle of nowhere, and there is nothing to do here. So I would need either my caregiver or my mom to drive me and then either drop me where we are going to have a date, or?
I am in a power wheelchair, but I do have a manual as a backup. But I would say 99.99% of the time I am in my power chair, thus why I have only ever transported in my wheelchair van.
I am not sure when he is planning to come up, but like I said above, I would like to plan a date first. While having him come and we watch Netflix, and just hang out is fine, I think I would prefer to at least have one or two actual dates in public.

Re: Relationship while depending on caregivers

Posted by Mi on Jan 8, 2018 8:14 pm

That's really smart. Do the two dates in public and see how his demeanor is with the public and you. Because the first day was him just coming to the hotel right? If you didn't tell your mom about him yet I wouldn't tell your mom until it actually really happens. Like when you set a date and it's in stone. Unless you don't want unless you don't mind like yo talking to your mom about what's going on. If he turns around and says let me just come to your place and wil watch Netflix first? Say we can always go out to eat and then go back to my place. You have to find out how comfortable he has with you in public and you're smart because you mentioned that. What level are you again? And where exactly do you live like the area and State?

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