Talking to my quadriplegic friend

Talking to my quadriplegic friend

Posted by AZSkidaddy on Jul 12, 2017 6:35 pm

I have a good friend (Bob) who I used to ride mountain bikes and ATVs with all the time. He was an adrenaline junky like me and our outings were the basis of our friendship.  He was a very qualified and safe rider but had a terrible ATV accident 8 years ago (I sold my ATVs right after his accident and never rode them again).  This morning I was mountain-biking with another friend of mine and we talked about how we missed riding with Bob.  Is it ok to tell Bob how we miss riding with him?  My concern is what will he do with that information?  I know he misses riding and would give anything to do it again.  He has never told me he misses riding. Will this make him sad/depressed?  I don't want to bring more sorrow to his life.  

Re: Talking to my quadriplegic friend

Posted by Mi on Jul 12, 2017 7:12 pm

If it was me... I would keep it to myself. I'm 19 years injured and still feel deeply sadden that I can't put on a pair of skates or rollerblades. When my niece goes to the skating ring that we would goto
all growing up.. Still hits a nerve that I can't teach her how to do circles or skate backwards. Granted I'm happy she enjoys one of my favorite things in life. My sister never said to me I miss & wish we could do this together, however I know were both thinking the same thing. It's just one example of many. I had friends say wish you can come to the beach with us like back in the day? Yes I can.But I want to enjoy the ocean like I use to with friends & family. Not the same sitting in a chair .. Not feeling my feet in the sand or stepping on shells .. Screaming something bite me!! .. You can if you want .. The worse he can say is man ' You have no idea how much I miss those days too. 

Re: Talking to my quadriplegic friend

Posted by SpearJanis on Oct 14, 2017 2:50 pm

My husband is a C5 incomplete, and he can't do a lot of things he was ale to do before. 

It will be different for every person, and perhaps also different at every stage.  Colin (my hubby) wants to talk about these things, and would love to know his friends miss him.  I understand your hesitation - you don't watn to rub it in, but perhaps he wants to talk about the good old days, and celebrate your successes in new strides, etc. You can also just ask him.  If he doesn't want to talk about it, he can say so, otherwise, perhaps it will bring back some happy memories.  

Ask him, and he will tell you.  It is really as simple as that.  As friends / spouses / family members we can find it difficult to approach topics, and not be sure when or how to ask or say things.  I find it is more important than ever to just keep communicating.

Good luck, and just be yourself.  He will aprpeciate you being there.  I know that it is difficult that people move on without you, and he will appreciate that you miss him.


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