I have to say that I am touched by the work of this foundation, by its community and by Daniel Gottlieb's wisdom. While I am an able-bodied person and while I am not the caretaker of one who doesn't have full use of the body, I am forever touched and grateful for the incredible work being done here.
The topic of fearing hope resinates with me and I hope it is okay for me to participate in these conversations even though I am able-bodied. Certainly there have been many instances in my life where I have felt as if I were paralyzed -- I acknowledge it is a feeling I have created from deep within my own mind and thinking. In my experience, relief and peace have only come through a process of acceptance. When I am able to truly accept my situation, my circumstance, myself, I experience such deep peace and sometimes what feels like boundless love. It's almost overwhelming. And then, once more, negative thoughts creep back in, and from there it seems impossible to climb out. Sometimes I want to just give up because from my perspective, the mountain of emotional pain looks like Mount Everest, an impossible climb when you feel as though you don't have the proper gear. But something in me doesn't want to give up -- I want to let go, but not give up. And then I somehow remember that I actually do have the proper gear, it's only a matter of me using it.
What I've noticed is that I am the source of my pain as well as the source of my own experience of relief and peace. I'm tired of fighting, of resisting. I'm tired of causing that pain in myself - it's like being in a meat grinder! It's exhausting. My only relief is in acceptance of this moment -- not the next one, just this one as it presents itself now.
You know, it occurrs to me that I can no longer worry about the next moment and what I think that next moment will be like. I cause myself further pain in the present by trying to anticipate what the next moment will be like (and it's usually a grizzly scene), instead of just being in the moment I'm in -- LOL. It's kind of hilarious how I do that.
Anyway, I have a tendancy to ramble, but I'm beginning to accept that about myself too. And so I say to myself and whomever this has touched, inward!
