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I am an angry person.

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I am an angry person.

Posted by thomas_1841148 on Oct 9, 2013 3:09 am

Lately I have been snapping on people for things that really do not require snapping. I have been told by almost anyone who still talks to me that I have dealt with my situation better then most. I am able to do this by not sticking around long enough to remember anything relevant. I know how to deal with my anger but with every month coming and going I can only do so much to my truck. I find peace while working on my truck. A paraplegic working on a 3/4 ton Harley Davidson F150. But I am only able to pay for so much at a time. I am a sensible person. I will weigh both sides of the argument and I will figure out a way to make it work. The problem is no one is there to do it for me. I lead by example. I can't hang out with people in wheelchairs because their dependence on outside help annoys me. Hanging out with my friends does not work because they all have families and more important things to do. So like most of the time I will sit back be angry drift in an out of my 24x24 garage of peace and stay angry.
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RE: I am an angry person.

Posted by Dan Gottlieb on Oct 9, 2013 3:48 pm

Hi Thomas,
I appreciate your post and trust me, there are many many angry people out there. And I assume you posted this because your anger is causing you all sorts of problems not to mention how uncomfortable it is to live with such a hair trigger on your emotions.

I've always believed that anger is a reactive emotion-that is, it's a reaction to another emotion underneath that. In your post, you said many things about yourself and how you feel about your life. For example, you described yourself as a paraplegic working on a three-quarter ton Harley-Davidson F1 50. As soon as I read that, I wondered if you were feeling alone in this world or "different". That was confirmed when you talked about not fitting with quadriplegics and not fitting with people without physical disabilities.

In all my years of living and practicing, there is nothing more painful than feeling alone and misunderstood in this world. Everyone is wired differently so that when I felt that way, I became quite depressed. My guess is because of your wiring it turns into anger or irritability.

So here I am making a ton of assumptions and maybe none of them are correct. I would love to hear from you about the emotions you really feel when you find yourself snapping at someone. If you could just stop for 60 seconds and reflect on how you are experiencing your life at that moment, what would you say?

There are lots of ways of dealing with this pain, but let's see what's really happening first.
Dan www.DrDanGottlieb.com
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RE: I am an angry person.

Posted by Jen615 on Dec 30, 2013 12:13 am

I often find myself feeling the same way......I get so angry at people feeling sorry for me, I don,t want sorry or pity..... and I often wonder to myself are these people being nice to me because of who I am, or because my wheelchair I'm in.  I do have anger issues myself  quite often and I hate myself because of what has happened.....and think I cannot even like myself so all these friends that call me, how can they?
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RE: I am an angry person.

Posted by Dan Gottlieb on Jan 1, 2014 4:02 pm

Hi Jen

thanks so much for telling us a bit about yourself. Of course you are angry. I call anger a judicial emotion – it's a reaction to injustice. That's why we get angry at people who harm children or animals, we get angry at people who harm any living being. That's injustice. When children say to their parents angrily "that's not fair", that anger is because they feel whatever's happened to them was an injustice (having three children, I am sure you've heard those three words pretty often!)

And God knows you have been dealt an injustice. So you are angry. You are angry at yourself and angry at those around you. Jen, I know exactly what you feel. I spent a long time feeling broken, ugly and completely unlovable. And of course I rejected my body for causing me so much difficulty. And I rejected myself because I was so, well, crippled.

Anger at injustice is like raising a clenched fist to the heavens screaming "this tornado just took my home" or "why did you have to take my fiancée" or "why did you put me in this wheelchair"? And of course, no answers ever come. So I cursed my body and I cursed my life. I didn't get angry because that's not my mo, I just got depressed and needed medication and psychotherapy.

Please Jen, be kind to yourself. Before this accident you were a beautiful young woman filled with life and joy. You are that very same woman, but you don't know that yet and it will take a while before you can feel those things.

The path to peace is through forgiveness. And the only one you really have to forgive his yourself. You've done nothing wrong and you were hurt terribly. And you now suffer. Be kind to this young mother who suffers. Treat her with compassion, even love if that's possible.

And eventually you will see that those people who feel sorry for you are doing it because they feel helpless. And right now it's not your job to help them. Your only job is to be kind and caring towards yourself.

Please please stay in touch. And made this new year bring you more peace, more kindness and more love
Dan www.DrDanGottlieb.com
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RE: I am an angry person.

Posted by Sus on Jan 7, 2014 4:29 pm

Dear Jen, My name is Sam and I understand and share some of your feelings and behaviors. I am C5 incomplete injured male from 2/28/2010. I have found that by focusing upon recovery through a wellness program at Neuroworx, a SCI speciality clinic in South Jordan, Utah, has allowed me to not dwell so much on my limitations, and focus upon recovery which is immense. I cannot control \"why other people are being nice to me?\", but I can control how I receive their contact! And whenever I am working out, and looking at other patients, mu injury could have been much worse. Best wishes in your road to recovery, Sincerely, Sam
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RE: I am an angry person.

Posted by Blas on Jan 7, 2014 5:17 pm

Jen, I felt almost the same way as you do. The reason I say "Almost" is the simple fact that I do not know what you are going though yourself. I only know how I felt. It took me several years to come to terms with my SCI, I am a C-5 Complete since 1993. You will eventually come to terms with yourself it may take some time. @ Sam, I noticed you live in Utah by attending the Neuroworx wellness program. Can you PM me? I too live in Utah and would like to take with you..                                                                                                                                                                
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RE: I am an angry person.

Posted by zuzu on Jan 7, 2014 7:50 pm

First off I\'m an AB in your terminology, and since I don\'t know you three wanted that out up front. I have a few chronic medical issues. Talking about your anger is a huge start, far better than the happy face so many on that allows them to continue seething. Not liking yourself, being angry at yourself, not fitting in with anyone around you, feeling like you have to often go it alone - all that happens to a lot of us, AB or not. I\'m older, been around several country blocks, but I still have nooks where anger comes when I don\'t expect it. And though there are people who have known me all my 58 years, they still don\'t get me even though I think I\'m pretty open about who I am and what I think. I don\'t fit in where I am, I feel horribly alone here. The people who _____ me are various individuals that randomly send sweet notes, call, pass by and say or do something that let me know I have value, purpose, connection, a reason for being right here, right now the way I am even though I don\'t always want it that way myself. And when I pass one of you in a gym (ha!), see you playing with your beautiful kids, watch you function for a while, offer to get something off the top shelf at the store, it\'s not because I pity you or think you\'re not as good or unable or I whatever it is that makes you angry. It\'s because I\'m seeing kids who have a mom who didn\'t back out of their lives, a man who wants to keep his body healthy, a short shopper who might be tired after work and of course it\'s on the top damned shelf; and I wonder do they have insurance, accessible housing, know about VA benefits, grant programs, local sports programs, scholarship opportunities, I have so much info running around in my head..... Can\'t we just be people looking at your beautiful kids, great hair and tan, or cool lifting form, instead of you assuming we are thinking pitiful thoughts? We all have different crap crammed inside our heads and it spills out in different ways. So often now we don\'t talk to each other, we react. We don\'t take time to introduce, learn, share. So when I stop, chat, offer, watch, enjoy, marvel, it\'s because my mom\'s a quad who was injured in a fall at the age of 71, 11 years ago, and she\'s angry too, really angry, she thinks she was being punished by God, she lives 3000 miles away, and I miss my Mom a lot because she didn\'t do what you all have, she didn\'t try to move forward.
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RE: I am an angry person.

Posted by Dan Gottlieb on Jan 8, 2014 5:03 pm

of course you are angry. Any injury or wound  demands attention. Even if it is something chronic that might not get better, all pain creates a demand for our attention and  a need  have other people understand..

and the more we focus on what we've lost and cannot do,, the more angry we get.. What an unfair paradox! It demands attention and the more attention we give it,, the more  it hurts.

Wha e the options? Well don't believe that you are anger is the truth of your life.. And certainly don't believe that the story of what you lost is the story of your life.. All of these things are pieces of your life. If you can broaden your attention,  you can see  other pieces  of your life – the love we have for other people, the beauty  of nature, gratitude for the friends  who  stick with us  no matter what..

So when we are angry,  please know  that it is simply an emotion and like all  thoughts and emotions, it is temporary.
Dan www.DrDanGottlieb.com
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RE: I am an angry person.

Posted by REAPER on Jan 9, 2014 10:47 am

Hey Thomas I know how you feel I am a very angry person I snap and yell all the time and I know you can only do so much with working on your truck be glad that you have that outlet I have nothing to help me redirect my anger so everyone catches every bit of my anger at once I use to use martial arts to help me but can't afford to do anything right now to help.  If you can get like a punching bag and when you feel like you can't take anymore grab a pair of boxing gloves and hit the bag not only is it exercise but it's a great way to get rid of pent up anger without taking it out on anyone who don't deserve it I know I still have a lot of work to control my anger but if I can help hit me up message me and we can talk if you want when I get a phone I will give you my number and we can talk if you want I hope this helps best of luck
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RE: I am an angry person.

Posted by Sus on Jan 14, 2014 12:46 pm

Blas, I live in Sandy, UT and neuroworx is about 10400 South Jordan Parkway, about 500 west. My email is susumu811a@gmail.com. I am a Neuroworx Patient Advocate amd a Reeve Peer Mentor. My home phone is 7801-942-0140. Contact me if I can help you. Sam
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RE: I am an angry person.

Posted by Dan Gottlieb on Jan 22, 2014 3:30 pm

Hey Reaper,

what great advice you offer Thomas. Especially for you guys that were very active or athletic, think about what your body/brain is accustomed to. So it looks were every can to continue discharging this energy. So you could think of your anger as a form of energy your body is trying to discharge. So I love the idea of finding a healthier more productive way of discharging this energy.

To a certain extent, anger is understandable if not inevitable. But when that anger gets expressed, the person who expresses it gets hurt. Because if you are a feeling person, it doesn't feel good after the anger is discharged. In my case, when I lose control, I often feel guilty or ashamed of what I've done.

I've said on these pages before that anger is a natural reaction to injustice. A lot of the conflict around the world is because of anger on the part of people or countries that feel they have been dealt and injustice.

When things settle down, I have found personally and professionally that the best way to deal with my injustice is to try to help the injustice others experience. That's why peer mentors not only do a great service, but they tend to feel better about their lives. Same with volunteers.

But remember the first four words of that paragraph "when things settle down". Sometimes when the pain is so great, we don't have the wherewithal to look outside. And when that happens, and you are suffering, I urge you to treat yourself with kindness
Dan www.DrDanGottlieb.com
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RE: I am an angry person.

Posted by Uptownruler on Jan 28, 2014 2:53 pm

Okay, my name is Kevin T. Duthu, on the date of 5/29/1983 I sustained a C-6 fracture diving into a swimming pool. I was put in C-clamp traction and on a rotational bed in ICU at Oschner Hospital, the bed moved from side to side, design is to keep bodily organ functioning, for eight days I live on a IV line and ice chips, turning side to side 24 hrs .a day. The Chief Neurosurgeon Dr. Edward Connolly, calculated ,planned, observed every aspect of my condition, he decided to not surgically alter a already injured area in spinal cord. He placed a device known as a halo, four screws bolted to my head, two on forehead (scar still visible), and two on each side of my head above ear. This device stayed on for 90 days, there I was paralyzed  from C-5 down to my toes, no movement at all, no sensation at all, only able to think and talk (no trach), so frustrated and confused, depressed, angry, yet still alive. After, 2 wks. at Oschner, Dr. Connolly had 2 locations for rehabilitation, one was the Craig Institute in Colorado, one was F.E. Herbert Rehabilitation Hospital in New Orleans, I chose to stay in New Orleans at F.E. Hebert. This injury had me mentally beat, all I heard about from all medical staff was that if the individual does not move a muscle on command within 72 hrs. very little or no return of functions. I was told that only 3% that move muscles on command within that 72 hr. timeframe (a period of edema within CNS) could get return functions. Well, I was way past 3 days and in the first week of rehab. I was rejecting everything, why live, why go physical therapy, I refused all therapies until Mr. Lee Smith, recreational therapies go me to come out an participate. Still not moving, over three weeks still depressed, not motivated, I was finally going to PT, but very angry with myself (the how and why's) danced in my mind. It was all negative to me, that I was doomed, but something started happening. Muscular spasticity was beginning to develop 5 to 6 weeks post injury, my mother Mrs. Judy Duthu saw my right big toe move spastically, she ran out the room excited to the nurse station and told them what was occurring. The male nurse acted negative to mom, by using his hands and arms as if he were playing a invisible violin. I was moving my right toe on command, each day there after returning muscular movements was rapid. From no chance, unwilling, mental frustration, to having to prove to all staff members at Hebert, I never looked back and moved forward willing to endure every and all hurdles that came with living as a SCI. It took five months of intense rehabilitation and I walk out of Hebert on October 28, 1983, 9 days before my 19 birthday. I have worked everyday since training, getting educated, reading SCI clinical studies, learning everything possible. The genetic engineering of cellular repair is advancing a lot faster than you or most people think. Okay, this is how I do it, pain, mental frustration, anger, are overwhelming and powerful, but using it as motivation, to drive your self to achieve is the way to succeed. Let the power out in a swimming pool, exercise program, develop routine activities which promote and improve your functions, learn your limits, but never quit on yourself !!! I invite all who wish to reply at kduthu2@yahoo.com , I have learned to survive by helping myself and other people in need. Becoming proactive is the most important step to switching the anger to adrenaline.                                                                                                                                                                                                                              Kevin T. Duthu
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RE: I am an angry person.

Posted by Dan Gottlieb on Jan 29, 2014 2:33 pm

Hi Kevin,

what I am hearing is that there was always that piece of you inside that was a fighter and that wanted life. The light might have gone out temporarily, but for most of us it's only temporary.

I so admire your tenacity and how you channel your anger to aggression. So instead of fighting with something: yourself, your family or the gods, you fight for something: your strength/dexterity/mobility/independence. You fight for your life.

Your detailed description of your post accident brought up some pretty painful memories many of us carry. My accident was in 1979 and I wore my halo vest for six months! I remember the feelings of not wanting to go on and not knowing if I could and how I could. And then something happened to me that sounds like it happened to you:

something inside woke up to the painful truth of our lives and said: "okay, what now?" And for most of us that's when this new life begins. As you know it's not so easy or pretty, but it's our lives. And once we take full ownership of this new life, we begin anew .

Kevin thank you so much for sharing your story. And a personal thanks to that burning spirit inside of you that wants to live and share the gifts you have acquired through all of this.

By the way, where did  the name "reaper" come from? Just curious
dg
Dan www.DrDanGottlieb.com
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RE: I am an angry person.

Posted by Uptownruler on Feb 13, 2014 2:09 pm

I do not know who "reaper" is. I am known as "da uptownruler" , that is my nickname. Why am I fighting to get information about AMYPRA used in SCI's, HMO-Humana review committee flat out made me prove it to them in a appeal via MAXIMUS, that SCI are demyelinated (Waxman, 1989, Neurons in SCI are demyelinated). There is no protocol for use of AMPYRA and spinal injuries that are demyelinated. Just to have a protocol for use would be helpful. The only resource I found was, Dr. Wise Young, Rutgers University, his studies I found at www.spinewire.com/org he posted some clinical trials with 4-AP in use w/ MS and SCI. I had to use these out dated studies in order to use this medication. The biggest hurdle is that this medical use was designed for a 12 hr. time release. Well, it last for about 6 1/2 active hrs. of a possible 12 hrs. I have asked ACORDA, no reply or answers. Once, ACORDA found that 4-AP could only help a very small population of SCI's they simply dropped the issue all together. This med. has probably been adapted to meet the need for use with MS patients. They have never released clinical studies to anyone, about findings in SCI trials. I have asked for information, but have never received anything. That is a flat denial in the first degree, I request that any and all information be released to the public or in my case, so that I can stabilize functions and improve ability. I am currently fighting Humana, since they have excluded AMPYRA from their formulary book. I have much more to reveal about the positive results that have occurred using this medication. I am willing to share my experience and profound cellular changes that have occurred using aminopridine at the molecular level. My case could open doors to questions researchers have been looking for, cellular, organ, bone, muscular, growth developments that have occurred w/ using AMPYRA. This medicine is very dangerous to use and my questions are valid. So, Dan you should be sending me any and or all information available.


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RE: I am an angry person.

Posted by Dan Gottlieb on Feb 19, 2014 3:48 pm

hi Kevin,
not sure what information  you are looking for.  I am a psychologist  and not a physician  so I don't know if I can be helpful.  So please advise
thanks
Dan www.DrDanGottlieb.com
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