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 Posted Tuesday, September 14, 2010 |
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Group: Forum Members
Last Login: Tuesday, November 09, 2010
Posts: 254,
Visits: 50
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Broken bodies and broken hearts
You may have noticed that we changed the name of this forum so that we could be more clear about what we can and cannot help people with. Not being a medical doctor, I can't offer medical advice. So this forum is about what happens in the wake of the kind of trauma either we or a loved one is going through.
Some people survive a trauma but don't survive the emotional consequences. Some not only survived, but thrive and find themselves more grateful and open after an often long period of healing. What's the difference? Well, it's not about strength or resolve, although that's part of it. It's not about attitude or faith although they are major players also. It's also about mundane things that are out of our control -- things like financial resources, social capital (strength of one's community), emotional and intellectual resources.
It also depends on one's history. If there have been other trauma, it makes it more difficult. If there has been a history of depression, substance abuse or other mental illness, one is at increased risk for a relapse.
And most important -- there is so much we can do to help heal our racing minds, our broken hearts and our shattered spirits.
Of course, I don't have all the answers. I don't even have all the answers about why and how I have gotten to a point where I am grateful for the life I have and more loving than I could have ever imagined.
Last year I was seeing a man who was unhappy in his marriage and unhappy with his job and he didn't quite know what to do about either one. This had been going on in his life for nearly 5 years. Without looking up and without realizing who he was speaking to, he said: "I dunno Doc, sometimes I feel paralyzed." Then he looked up and realized what he said and who we send it to and I smiled warmly and said "sometimes I feel paralyzed too and it's just an awful feeling."
What makes you feel paralyzed and what does your mind/spirit need in order to heal?
Daniel Gottlieb Ph.D
www.drdangottlieb.com
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| Posted Monday, September 20, 2010 |
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Group: Forum Members
Last Login: Monday, September 20, 2010
Posts: 8,
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Lately, I've been feeling like the past five years of living with paralysis (C4/C5 complete SCI) has finally drained me of the last few drops of happiness I had left. In the grand scheme of life, I suppose five years is a short time, however the past five have seemed like a millennium to me. I've been on such an emotional roller coaster through it all, and I'm so very tired. It's been very hard to find the silver lining to my situation, and I feel increasingly trapped within my skin. Living for the sake of others doesn't seem fair, and yet I certainly don't feel like I'm still trying for any reasons of my own. It's hard to put all my feelings into words that anyone can truly understand, unless they've lived it, and even then it's hard to find people that have faced enough of the same obstacles, to feel like they really know where I'm coming from. They few people I have found, are in the same boat, and have no advice to offer, because they're struggling just as much as me. Although knowing there's a kindred spirit out there can be somewhat comforting, it's equally disturbing to know someone else is suffering just as much as I am, and I'm equally as helpless to do anything for them.
I try to stay sane through painting & writing, but my outlets can only do so much. In all honesty, I only share my feelings in hopes of drawing attention to the crisis I'm in, in an effort to raise awareness for a cure. I just want the whole world to hear my pain and rally to find a cure.
lifeparalyzed.blogspot.com
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| Posted Tuesday, September 21, 2010 |
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Group: Forum Members
Last Login: Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Posts: 1,
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| Posted Tuesday, September 21, 2010 |
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Group: Forum Members
Last Login: Tuesday, November 09, 2010
Posts: 254,
Visits: 50
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Hey Chrissy,
I was depressed for the first five years after my accident. And then I got DEPRESSED. The world looked more bleak, my mind began raising, up until now I felt that the only thing I had to do was valuable was my mind and I felt I was losing that. The first depression needed support, understanding and some stability. The second depression needed all of those things plus medication and psychotherapy.
I don't want to suggest that you are clinically depressed, I wouldn't dare do that after reading one paragraph. But I do suggest that it is not unusual for us to feel worse after the first several years. The only way I can understand it is that for the first several years I was on the bottom of a very steep learning curve trying to figure out what all of this meant and how to be a quadriplegic. But after five years, all of that settle down and I was left with my life. Ugh
But just as important, and maybe even more important, is the difficulty you have putting your feelings into words that others can understand. Well, that is the purpose of this forum and that is the purpose of my presence here. I want you to do the best you can to put your feelings into words, to tell us we are you are coming from and where you have been and where you see yourself going. And especially, where you are right now, today. Even where you are this minute as you read this post.
This work I am asking you to do won't change anything on the outside, but may help you feel less alone and less locked in your own mind. And that can change everything!
Please take care, please
Daniel Gottlieb Ph.D
www.drdangottlieb.com
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| Posted Tuesday, September 21, 2010 |
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Group: Forum Members
Last Login: Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Posts: 2,
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It has been 8 years since I flew off the interstate and landed in a wheelchair (S.C.I. -T-4/5).
This occurred 2 1/2 months after I turned 50 anhd my divorce was final. I was driving upset, unbuckled and I didn't want to live anymore. Before I got in my truck I sliced my arms and slugged straight whiskey. If I had been buckled I would have died. I was in ICU for a month. One of my first thoughts was feeling incredibly thank-ful no one else was involved and I had full use of my hands, arms, eyes, ears and brain.
I had been given free samples of Paxil by the physicians assistant who gave me a physical a week before I left my husband, she told me if I needed help dealing with my depression, a pill might help. I never should have been given the pills without seeing a therapist. Not knowing any better I just stopped taking it. Previosuly I had dealt with bouts of depression by crying, walking my dog, getting to nature areas and writing. My cleaning business helped too. I have been told that quitting Paxil the way I did was what caused my actions. Whatever caused it doesn't matter since it doesn't change anything.
I wish I had had some kind of epiphany and been thank-ful I survived but I haven't. I tried to kill myself 2 times after the accident. The 3rd time I ended up with a broken leg. Then I realized that for whatever reason I was meant to be alive and how lucky I was to still have a brain. I found a great therapist who I saw weekly for over a year. I respected her enough to go on an anti-depressant while seeing her.
The first 5 years after the accident I went to bed changing the last words of a prayer to ".... If I should die before I wake. THANK YOU GOD!! and waking up every morning thinking "God can the reason I survived the accident please happen so I can die. "
My therapist suggested I take a key boarding class and get a computer. Voc. Rehab. paid for my expenses and I earned my Associated Degree because I found out I loved to take classes.In the process I discovered I was smart (Phi Theta Kappa) and I met a nice man who always saw me not the wheelchair.
While my body has healed my heart is another story. For reasons I don't know; my only son (age 28) has rarely communicated with me even though we live in the same town. As long we are both alive I cling to a glimmer of hope that we will work things out. I did see him graduate college in the topp 1% of his class and he is now working and taking classes full time to be a science teacher. As with everything time will tell.
I am a person who needs nature as much as air and water I detest being paralyzed since I can't sit on the sand or hike the trails I used to. S.S.D. I. and S.S.I and foodstamps don't pay enough to live on and I own a converted van (divorce settlement paid for it) I have a dog and a cat. I have a major credit card debt due to the above and moving out of state with my friend instead of living with my brother. It will take me 30 years to pay off my debt if I only pay the minimum amount and I live month to month worrying about not having enough money to pay the minimum amount and reaching my credit card limit. If I had a job I wouldn't have the debt I have. There are so many many things I wamt to do and would be able to if I had money.
HALT has helped me a lot and may help other people. Are you Hungry (go eat) Angry (I am about being a "wheeler" but I don't dwell on it) Lonesome (call someone up) Tired (take a nap).
I believe in a right to die and I wish I had the option to since it is my body and no ones business. Do I wish I had died? Not today but...
I keep on keeping on and some days you have to get through one hour at a time.
Wheelers are a special breed!
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| Posted Tuesday, September 28, 2010 |
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Group: Forum Members
Last Login: Tuesday, November 09, 2010
Posts: 254,
Visits: 50
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Hi Ginny,
Thanks so much for telling us your story. And quite a story it is. I am so happy you are getting good care for your depression. And as I am sure you are learning, depression dictates where your attention goes. So those who are depressed are more likely to see things that cause more suffering. People who are not depressed might see the world through a different lens.
What saddens me most is your relationship with your son. If it's not too personal, I would love to hear more about who initiated the cutoff, when and what your understanding is why it happened. I wouldn't recommend you are doing anything until you can see the world through your son's eyes. Not just what you are thinking he is thinking, but how it feels for him to be who he is. If he is the one that cut off contact, he had to have done it out of fear, anger or both.
I don't think we parents can suffer any greater pain than the pain in our relationship with our children.
Please keep us posted Ginny
Daniel Gottlieb Ph.D
www.drdangottlieb.com
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