I think you have gotten really good advcie from others. It is true--there are no right or qwrong things to say. She will just remember that you were/are there for her. I have a sci at c4-5-5. I don't remember conversations, only that my family and friends were there. That's what's important.
also, I am an information specialist here at the PRC. I can send you our NI package of information--I will include information on resources for children with disabilities as well as information on pediatric spinal cord injuries.
Please let me know if you would liket o receive this information as I would be happy to send it to you. You can email me at email@example.com or call me at (800) 539-7309. My extesnion is 7202.
I hope this helps!