Every injury is different but after about a year after I came out of spinal shock I started using the Ferti Care personal vibrator I was able to with it. You need a doctor to order it for you but it may work. Good luck

I know that you asked for no female replies but as the Director of Information and Resources for the Reeve Foundation, I thought I could offer some suggestions and comments.

If you could tell us your level of injury, I can better exlain the physiology and give you information specific to your injury level.  Also, I want to reassure you that when you are newly injured, things take awhile to return.----this holds true for both men and women.

The Paralysis Resource Center (PRC) has information on sexual function post paralysis. You can find some of our information sheets here:http://www.christopherreeve.org/atf/cf/%7B173bca02-3665-49ab-9378-be009c58a5d3%7D/SEXUALITY%20FOR%20MALES%2012-11%20JPW.PDF
There is also a very good book for men called," Is Fred Dead". It deals with sexual function, changes, relationships, sexuality in a direct and straight forward way. It is an excellent book for couples too.  A list of other books can be found at the end of the document that I sent you a link to.

There are a number of sexual tools and toys that can assist both men and women with paralysis. A FertiCare vibrator is used to assist with ejaculation as well as infertility.  Many men with paralysis also use penile and testicular rings to aide with erection and ejaculation.  

Don't give up hope. I understand your anger and frustration as I have heard it from many individuals over the last 10 years that I have been doing this job.   It is normal and healthy just don't let it get in your way.

I am open to providing you with information and resources. You can contact me via private message and or openly in the community.  If I better understand your injury, I can try to get other men with paralysis to reply.

I hope you don't mind that I replied, even though you asked for men only.  You expressed a common frustration and I wanted to be sure you received a reply.

Thanks Jack for sharing your experience. What is your level of injury?

I'm a T-5 para from an IED attack in Afghanstain. www.piercejr.com

hi Greg,

I am Dr. Dan Gottlieb, a psychologist and family therapist living in the Philadelphia area-just like you. And I am also a C 6 quadriplegic – for the last 32 years.

Anger is inevitable. After my accident, it seemed like every day the doctor would tell me something else I would have to live without. I was angry at my body, angry at insensitive people and even angry at people who could walk. I was just angry. All of these losses felt like something was stolen from me.

When I was in rehab at Magee, they had something called a "family room". It was a euphemism for a bedroom where the injured and their partner can experiment with sex. My wife got me into bed and took off my clothes. Then she took off hers and lay down next to me . The only thing I knew I was feeling was humiliated. She put her arms around me and put her head on my shoulder. Slowly she moved her hand from my shoulder down my chest. Every inch she moved her hand I felt more humiliated – until she crossed the line where I had no sensation. And then I took her hand and said "don't touch me where I am dead."
So that didn't work out very well!

My wife left 10 years later and since then I have made love to a variety of women in a variety of ways. Of course, I never ejaculate but that doesn't mean I don't love making love.

With my wife I was embarrassed, and being ashamed of my sexuality lasted a few years. And after those years of tears and shame, I have come to see myself as a sexual being.

I don't know Greg if you will ever ejaculate again. But I do know that if you have faith that your body mind will find a way to live with this outrageous trauma that we have all experienced. The solutions won't come from your ego, they will come from a natural process inside that knows how to accommodate all sorts of adversity.

Living with spinal cord injury, living with loss of sexual function, and living in general all require a bit of faith in our own healing powers.

I am so sorry you are part of this family, but now that you are, welcome. Welcome

I am a para for over a year now, and from the hips down no feeling at all/  I like looking at sexual moments and I have lots of friends who send them to me, but no response fm the man below.
I don't have any idea what to do????

As Jack said every injury is different. I am a T-12 incomplete only 6 months post injury and I have the exact opposite problem. I ejaculate way too early. Like the day before too early. I have even orgasmed during an intense leg workout. That has happened twice. Talk about frustrating. My urologist had nothing for me when i talked to him. My wife and I still make love. I end up just trying to please her. Concentrate on what you can do. Not what you can't.

I know what your going thru.... I'm a C-3,4 & T-3,4. I had my accident (no seatbelt) in March 2000. It took me over 18 months before I was able to ejaculate. What worked for me was a nice long massage, 2 hours for me, my back and arms are always jacked...then a happy ending, yes, have that girl earn that tip... or girlfriend/wife work extra hard to make you ejaculate by materbating you. It took me(her) almost 2 hours of hard work, but with your body and mind relaxed, you can be in a comfort zone, a glass of wine or some scotch will also help set the mood.  Don't give up, and when it does happen, it feels like the very first time.  I had her do it so much, that after a year after my first orgasm, I was having to much sex and it started to hurt(headaches) after i would ejaculate. I was rushed to the emergency room, my blood preasure was like 290 over 188. I was throwing up, pissing blood, the docter called it a sex high. I now have sex (ejaculate) once a week tops... Now that your body is different, you can';t do the same things. So I had to learn the word Moderation..... 

I'm a t-12 partial for 16 years and I haven't ejaculated since day one. I never in my life thought I would turn into a eunich, but that apparently is my lot in life. Viagra works great to give Dr. Jimmy a lift, but alas, no big whoopie at the end. But any day I'm waking up with a cutie is a great day for me. 

But when ever I see the news about a fresh para and they talk about the odds of them ever walking again, I want to puke. Wheelchairs are great adaptations for the legs, Gimme sumpthin for my Willie already!!!

The past 20 years have taught me tons about relationships and how they shape our or my self perception.  One of the most important things I have come to realize is that the human brain really is our largest sex organ.   Having a disability does force one to become a more attentive lover. 

I am 42 years old and have been living as a T-12 complete para as the result of a skiing accident for 12.5 years now.  My biggest sexual frustration post-injury is the inability to experience any degree of satiation.  You men who were sexually active prior to your injury know what I'm talking about - nothing cures a raging libido like a good orgasm.  It's that physical switch that helps to turn off the body's largest sex organ, the brain.  For some short period of time after climaxing, we're no longer obsessed with determining when we're going to be able to do it again.  So, because I have been deprived of this very effective "off-switch" I sometimes find myself unable to get back to sleep once I wake up in the middle of the night as the result of me thinking about all the stuff I'd do with my wife if I wasn't injured.  Now, the upside (no pun intended) is, with these urges being largely psychological rather than physical, theoretically all I'd have to do is just think about something else.  But the twisted reality is, often times, I don't want to.  I love my wife tremendously and am strongly sexually attracted to her as I feel she is to me.  So, in spite of us having what I think each of us would characterize as a fairly healthy sex life (understanding that both of us would acknowledge we should do it more often), I simply feel unsatisfied -- not at all with my wife, but with my inability to allow her to make me feel what she allows me to make her feel.  I know, I know, there are worse problems to have than having as fulfilling a sex life as circumstances will allow with a woman you love and are attracted to, but this discussion thread was about sexual frustration post-injury and this is mine.

Thanks to all the other contributors to this discussion.  Each and every one of you shared a sentiment that either taught me something or reinforced that which I already felt or knew.

I know this says no women, so forgive me, but I just wanted to suggest penile pumps or vacuum erection devices (VEDs). There are several on the market that are approved for use by the FDA. Talk to your doctor, insurance may even cover certain brands.


As a full disclaimer, I happen to work at a medical equipment store and so you may feel I have a vested interest here. I just want you all to know there are options and it's worth a try.

 

I have described it as an "empty" feeling. Kissing, touching and even when penetrating just doesn't have that satisfaction or release to it. It is an empty connection. Why be physical when there is no pleasure in it? I can get my wife to orgasm several times but that satisfaction and energy release from my own orgasm is gone. Masturbating for 60 minutes straight, while impressive, isn't fun without the pleasure ad satisfaction of a release. Losing my legs wouldn't be so bad if I could sit in my chair and rub one out :p

My brother was injured in a motorcycle accident last month, he has complete at T7. All of us in the family were mostly worried about one thing: "He lives around his 'man hood', and he's not going to want to live without it."
Last week he finally said something about it which gave us all hope: "Guess how much money I'm gonna save not chasing females!"
-Just one way to look at it.
Although, in about 6 months when he's more healed I'll be sure to send him to this thread :)

Believe me - he won't save a penny. The chase goes on!

Thank you everyone for being willing to share about a sensitive subject. I am new to this community. My boyfriend is newly paralyzed- about 9 months now. I will never give up on him. I gain inspiration and insight from each persons sharing. Thank you all so much. Greg- I know you said no women. So I apologize if I've offended you by responding. I'm just so grateful to,have found this online community. Sincerely, Jaime

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I agree.  The chase goes on.  And I agree with others that say it's hard at first(no pun), but as the years roll by you need a mate like everyone else and if you don't hide away from the opposite sex they might just find you to be interesting and sexy.  Although, I might question them about this I also can't say no.  My ladyfriend say's I have a problem.  I say I'm a ####.  I don't see a problem?  And another thing I should say, is all the pill's, injection's,vibes, may work today and then quit.  I've just noticed this with the drug's.  The body gets used to them and then you 've got too try something else.  Make it happen!  When your junk doesn't work ejaculaton is farthest from your mind.  And if you can't feel there what's the diff.?