Egad. This topic sucks - but thank god somebody's addressing it!

I have gotten plenty of phone numbers from women, but upon calling them they rethink what they're getting into and most cut off the contact. Wait, check that, not 'most'; ALL of them have cut off the contact.

I also confronted my friend's wife, who loves setting up friends, as to why she's never set me up. She just turned red and said, "I just haven't found the right person for you." I'm not going to toot my horn, but I'm a decent looking, very active t-12 para. Never had any trouble 'gettin' any' before my wreck and find it next to impossible afterwards.

So I still give it at least the college try when I get a number, but my expectations are just about zero. I think the best way is to check yourself into the hosipital for something and hit on the nurses and PT's. They seem to be the only ones who look beyond the chair.

Not kidding either!!

Well,
In my business, I network like a mad man.....So, the blessing is that I get a chance to meet many more peopl.  The curse is that there are more rejections.....No matter what, I try to keep my expectations high and hope that they will look beyond the chair....It is a hit or miss proposition.  However, I firmly believe that the posiitive results will outweigh the let downs..

I asked a friend, "Would you date someone who is disabled?" She said, "No. Relationships are hard enough already. I wouldn't want to add the disability factor."

I hated her response.

Wow...No offense but your friend is short sighted....Just because someone has a disability, does not instantly make a relationship 'more difficult'....
Disappointing.
D

I HAVE TO AGREE WITH DALE YOUR FRIEND SOUNDS LIKE A REAL B_T_H I WOULD IF YOU LOVE SOMEONE YOU HAVE TO TAKE THE WHOLE PACKAGE I THINK LIFE'S DAILY STRUGLES WOULD BE EASIER TO DEAL WITH AFTER THE BONDING THAT COMES FROM ADJUSTING TO THE DISABILITY AS A COUPLE

I know. I could not stand her response. I'm an incomplete C7 T1 myself. I hated what she said. Now, I know I'm sounding crazy, but I would love to suggest she participate in this discussion. I hope she has the courage to do so. Two weeks ago, she stopped talking to me and (oh aghast!!!) Unfriended me!! on Facebook.

Well, now I'm going in the the other direction. I will give her a chance (unless you all think I'm nuts?) to respond to you and have a discussion about her reasons for not wanting to date a person in a wheelchair. Here's one other thing. She's a fun, funny, beautiful looking person with a lot of interests. But clearly, she will not consider dating a person in a wheelchair.
Saralee

Bad idea to try to change someone with a prejudice (usually). Better idea to find friends who aren't.

HI SARALEE
YOU ARE ON FACEBOOK? I COULDN'T FIND YOU SEND ME YOUR PROFILE LINK PLEASE I WOULD LIKE TO HAVE A FRIEND LIKE YOU I HAVE C6 SPINAL CORD INJURY AND A PARTIAL C5 I WAT TO KNOW MORE ABOUT YOU AND WHAT IT IS LIKE TO HAVE A C7 AND T1

HUGS
KAREN

Yes - I am on Facebook. Just search for Saralee Perel  - I'm the only one with that name on there.

I just sent you a friend request for this Reeve's community.

Hi all: I am in a relationship with a wonderful man who just happens to be a quad, met him on a dating website.  It was love at third sight, and its a very fulfilling relationship for me - even though he needs his "space" every few months and withdraws.  I feel so sorry for that lady whose mind is closed,she has no idea what she's missing out on.

Joeleen, I don't feel sorry for her but you're a kinder person than I am. What I feel is anger. I'd rather she acknowledge that she has a prejudice against disabled people than to come up with her philosophy about relationships.

I feel that the stronger person is one who is aware of and admits their prejudices. Because we can't tackle them and work on them if we don't acknowledge that we're prejudiced in the first place.

can you tell me how your injury affected your body?

Karen, where you asking me specifically that question or the other people on this thread?

interesting thread and something that is terribly important and painful for all of us. I have been a C-5 for 33 years and I have been single for 20 years. In those 20 years, I have lived with two different women 4 years each. I think part of the reason those relationships broke up was because of sex, but the other part was because I was still pretty crazed with the first relationship and the second woman was 20 years younger than me -- not a good prognosis.

There was a point at which I became comfortable assuming I would never be in another Internet relationship. I tried several online dating services and found that I went out with lots of women but everyone broke my heart.

Now that I am older, wiser, more comfortable with myself and more loving, I am finding more women are attracted to me. It's almost as though the disability becomes secondary. And now I am involved with a wonderful woman who adores my gifts, deals with the medical stuff pretty effortlessly.

Realistically, I think men with disabilities have a better chance than women do. Men are much more about the surface and are, by and large, more shallow. Women are more attracted to men who wore secure in every way and have the capacity to love.

@Dan - I'm happy to see this thread.  When I was stumbling through my first year of dating, I could have used the support, and I'm sure it's helping somebody out there right now.  But men, shallow? say it ain't so :-)

I feel your pain, which is funny since I can hardly feel anything being a C5 quad.  I've been paralyzed going on fifteen years in February and throughout that time I've only been in one serious relationship. I do find myself insecure while out in public despite my personality and all that I DO have to offer. I know that first impressions are important and time can be limited while out and about. I go about dating the high tech way: the Internet. I've joined or have been on about all the dating sites possible over the years. I can be myself when I put everything on my profile. By doing this, you know ahead of time that the lady knows your situation and that she is comfortable with you, if she responds first. I've had a dozen or so women wanting to know more about and wanting to meet me. Believe it or not, I even turned some down. Dating sites online eliminates wasted time, energy, and the oh so popular situations in which others have described on this post. Plus, your area is expanded as far as meeting more women. Give it a shot! At least if they're not interested, you don't have to live with the memory of them doing it to your face.

@Jason: glad your sense of humor isn't dented!  Maybe you should make some of those dating sites available to others on here who might be ready to try online dating.

Nope, only my head got dented, but not literally speaking.  There's so many to list, but I've had success on Match and here recently on eHarmony. Both have their pros and cons, so do your research.

I met my paraplegic wife in a single's group.  I offered to give her a ride back to her apartment and at her apartment asked her out for dinner, which she accepted.  After the first date, I thought the better of any serious relationship and invited her to a second single's outing. She was persistent, and we talked often on the phone.  I eventually changed my mind, and we got married.  We just had so much in common, especially our love of world traveling, which we pursued after we were married.

The simple answer to dating as a person in a wheelchair is to act the same--or even less self-conscious--than someone not in a wheelchair. The thing to do thereafter is to not give up and be persistent. Any person you get to know is of course going to have second thoughts about pursuing a relationship, but if you two are truly compatible that can be overcome if don't give up.

I am elated to see the continued discussion/debate with regard to this issue.  There are always trials and tribulation about this issue....I have had a few long term relationships with kind souls....my dating experience is mixed, to say the least....However, these experiences, whether positive or negative, help us to be better people....NO REGRETS!!!!
D

I think this is a very interesting thread. I enrolled just to get into this discussion. I am a T12-L3 incomplete female age 51. I have a great male friend but he of 8 years and from prior to injury but he refuses to allow our relationship to be classified as dating or boyfriend/girlfriend because he feels that people will think he is "taking advantage of a cripple". He feels great saying that I am his office manager with no problem. We travel and go places constantly with no problems, he is my best friend and I am his but I want more which I know most men will say is a woman thing. We always want more! LOL Is that so wrong? Does a chair disqualify us from wanting or needing a committed relationship? Texas is a big state surely there is someone that is willing to look past the chair.

OK guys I am a T-6 complete paraplegic and have had no problem getting beautiful, intelligent, sane, kind, loving, caring, women.  You need to focus on being friends so they can see your life first hand. As long as you treat them with the love and respect all women deserve... they are willing to look past the chair. Make sure you learn all you can about womens bodies so when the gear eventually comes off you can pleasure her in every way...doesn't require an erect penis....hands, voice, lips do the job... throw a  few toys in the mix and she will never want to leave you!!!   Remember sex is 80+ % in your mind!!!  As far as the women that are not strong enough to deal with it .....move on....there are over 200 million women i the USA....keep looking and keep your faith.

@Brenda - I don't like that he's not prepared to admit you two are in a relationship.  A chair is just something to get around on, and in no way defines the person who uses it, so what is there to get past? My unasked-for comment is to stay friends with him but start dating.  You deserve the best, we all do, but God is not going to send Mr. Right to your house :-)

laughing out loud, Michael!! you sure have it all figured out  :-)
From a woman's PoV, I agree with you completely - right down to the toys!

This is a terrific thread. And I was hoping Dan would hear it about the 'shallow' male thing. Good for you all who stood up for yourselves  . . .  so to speak :)