Healing the Mind and Heart

An Inspiring Story of LIFE, LOVE & FAMILY - Follow Near Fatal Accident / T4 Spinal Cord Injury

Diane — Wed, 15 May 2013 21:26:56 GMT

Hi All - We wanted to take a moment to share our story with you. On April 19, 2012 Stephen Pattelena, a 43 year old divorced father of five year old twins was involved in a near fatal auto accident that nearly claimed his life. He spent 2 months in the ICU at Christus St. Vincent Hospital in Santa Fe New Mexico followed by six months of rehabilitation to enable him to life independently following the T4 Spinal Cord Injury he sustained. The inspiring story of his family's reunion following the accident recently appeared as a front page story in the Santa Fe New Mexican - It's a truly beautiful story of Life, Love and Family we wanted to share with all of you. --- http://www.stevesrecoveryroad.com/santa-fe-new-mexican-article/

Non-complete quad - am I caregiver or a wife - I don't know at this point

TWM — Wed, 15 May 2013 14:36:25 GMT

My husband suffered spinal cord abcess in 2011. Over the past two years, I have stood beside him. I am his biggest supporter. We have been together for over 35 years. This has taken a toll on our relationship. I am not even sure we have relationship anymore. There is no physical contact at all except for taking care of his needs. I have had to do things to him that no lover or spouse should ever have to do.

I love him but I am not sure I can stand to hang around much longer. He seems very complacent with his recovery which drives me nuts. He has come back so far but now I don't see the fire in him to push even harder. I am 56 years old and I feel very trapped. I know that we have been dealt a hand to play but I am scared that I can't play the any longer. I take care of everything and I am tired and sometimes I just want to run but I don't. I feel so bad for feeling this way and I feel like I am being selfish. I feel like i have aged 20 years. Any suggestions on how to get our relationship on track.

Pain

Pamela — Thu, 11 Apr 2013 22:17:19 GMT

Most of us have pain, good, bad, ugly, but with us much of the time. I have never read this anywhere, but maybe others are like me. Caffine of any type (coffee, sodas, chocolate-a bunch, power drink, etc.) makes a distinct difference in how much better I walk (C5/C6). However, the next day I have continual burning nerve pain. So if you ingest caffine, you might want to eliminate it for two weeks, and see if that helps with your pain.

I stay off of caffine, still walk and have lessened the amount of nerver pain that I have.

i"m interested in your experiences with caffine!

New to site and have new Blog I would like to share with everyone!

Ken — Thu, 21 Mar 2013 21:52:39 GMT

Hi my name is Ken Reid I am a T4 T5 paraplegic injured in 1990 and i have started a new Blog. Its at www.choosealane.blogspot.com its a blog about life in the wheelchair, wheelchair bowling, ( I used to be on the Professional Bowlers Tour) and just some fun things that come up in my life and those of my friends. I have written a book Choose a Lane and in the process of finishing my second book yet to be titled but hopefully will be out by the first of the year. Follow me and if you have a blog let me know so I can follow you! Until then.
Ken

Post injury outlook and adjusting to a new life....

Charles — Wed, 20 Mar 2013 02:35:47 GMT

Two years ago my son was in a car accident that left him a C-1, C-2 quad that is ventilator dependent. I am wondering if you have any advice that would help him adjust to his new life. He is far less adjusted then he lets on. I have bought and in the process of buying whatever devices I can find that will allow him access to as many things as possible. Being able to only move his head makes this quite the challenge but we have made progress. He often plays video games with a QuadControl. He says that it is his escape. I have tried to get him on forum and social sites but he declines. Since his accident, his friends have moved on with life and he feels abandoned. He is 19 and his injury was when he was 17. I am very worried about my son and any ideas or advice is welcome.

INSPIRATIONAL SONGS

Gail — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 23:46:08 GMT

[tp:youtube id=NcEvUjkskoI]

ACCEPTANCE

Gail — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 15:28:35 GMT

ACCEPTANCE is the first start to healing the mind and healing the heart I think everyone will agree with me.Just some words of encouragement I know it's hard to come to grip of living a normal healthy life to being paralyzed, I can say this because am a living proof of it too I can relate to what we have to go through living with a spinal cord injury,having hope and keeping it alive.Some people start treating you like you can never ever be independent again,push you aside like you have know reason to live,be happy or make a difference which they are so wrong.That why I want you all to prove them wrong know matter what we go through we have life and that's one thing know human can give to anyone of us in order for us to stay alive for ever.The doctors are here to help medically but our minds is the key we can't get better without a positive thinking,don't you agree? Lets try as a community to encourage each other,lift each other,teach and share things that can help everyone get through this difficult time in our life. Keep strong we can do this...

I really feel as if I'm done with this life

MikeyBoxide — Mon, 21 Jan 2013 00:12:58 GMT

It's coming to the point in my life where I can't find any joy in anything anymore. My psychiatrists offer absolutely no help just medications that I have bad reactions to. I'm so frustrated with my bladder it's so painful when I have muscle spasms and reflex which is all the time. I get no more then 3 hours of sleep at night. Crazy I live in Atlanta near the Shepherd Center and they pretty much have some of the worst aftercare to offer possible. It's been over 2 years since I've been able to do any physical therapy besides ride my horses which is my actual only joy in life still. I have so few friends and literally hardly any in the disabled community to relate to. I do often consider just overdosing and getting it over with. I've felt this way ever since my accident and I don't see myself being able to handle it for much longer. I just want my old life back too or anything remotely close to it. I had no choice but to force myself to be independent because I live alone, and I lack the resources to be out and about in the community. Let alone find other people who accept me as an equal when it comes to riding horses as I'm better then most able bodied riders are. I'd just like to feel a bit happiness in my life again and don't see that being possible. Anyways, there isn't much anyone can do for me I just felt like putting this out there. Georgia is a terrible place for anyone with a disability don't come here!!

Living with PAIN

Granny — Thu, 03 Jan 2013 23:23:58 GMT

My heart goes out to all of you managing pain. I was injured 45 (1967 age 17) years ago, T 11 - L3 incomplete. I was injured before harrington rods. Therefore, I spent months in a striker bed. I insisted 'NO PAIN MEDS'. The pain was like knifs continually cutting. I very quickly learned to block the pain rather than go back on the drugs. I wish I knew how I did that and could share with everyone.

What do you do when you worry?

Elisha — Thu, 06 Dec 2012 22:29:44 GMT

I was worried, worried to the point of obsession. Now, I have a clear mind. My mom and I watched a program last night on the Super brain. The show told how to make the most of your mind. Now I'm just giving snipettes of the program so don't quote me. The dr. giving the lecture aid you should ask yourself, Who am I? What am I? Why am I here? The answers to these questions should give one pause.
In this lecture he stated when you are worried or upset just take three deep brathes to clear your brain. I have been doing this all day and I'm happy to say I have not worried even once! Who knew it was so simple?
On remembering details he said to relate the item to something else. It really works well when you can relte it to one of the senses. This man also said that you can repair brain damage by making new path to replace the old. This is something I have been trying to do since my traumatic brain injury in 1986. Just remember that you are in control!

movie "the sessions".

Dan Gottlieb — Wed, 21 Nov 2012 21:59:12 GMT

"The Sessions" is a recently released film based on an essay written by Mark O'Brien, a man who was paralyzed from the neck down due to polio. We get to know him when he is already an adult and lives his life on a gurney as he sleeps and works in an iron lung only able to live without it three hours a day. At the age of 38, he decided to hire a sexual surrogate so that he can lose his virginity.
Seeing films like these are always a bit uncomfortable as I am typically the only person in the theater who is in a wheelchair. I saw this film with my significant other, a woman I love and trust very much. And in our many discussions about this, Joan also talked about her trepidation and fear of feeling exposed. But after some thought and reflection, we both decided to go.
The film opens when Mark, who lives alone, decides to fire his caretaker because she treats him like it's a job not like he is a person. The new one he hires is a very young and vibrant young woman who goes shopping with him and spends time just "hanging out". Pretty soon he falls in love with her-perhaps for the first time in his life. And she loves him, but more than she is aware, so she must leave. Heartbreak ensues but rather than self-pity, he decides he wants to lose his virginity.
This seems with the sexual surrogate were explicit but not lewd. It really depicted what probably happened. Most of us in wheelchairs know about the fear and insecurity. We know about not feeling good enough and the fear and frustration of not experiencing sex as an "equal partner". And as a result, most of us feel unlovable as we begin exploring sexuality and intimacy.
Mark was all of these things, but he was something else also. He was open to his life. He lived it with joy and was a keen observer of life as depicted in his poetry. He was vulnerable, fragile and he knew it. And he didn't pretend he was not. Of course it would be tough for a guy in an iron lung to pretend he wasn't vulnerable! But then again, I know lots of people who are obviously vulnerable who pretend that they aren't.
Joan and I thought this movie was about sex. And although we were both uncomfortable having that part of our lives on film, we both secretly hoped that maybe we could get some tips about other stuff we could do! Well, we didn't.
"The Sessions" wasn't about sex even though sex was the central issue. It was about relationships. Between Mark's essay and the director, they know what intimacy really means beyond sex and body functions. Beyond having a relationship that is quid pro quo, beyond one's own needs. They know that intimacy is about having the courage to remove your mask.
Joan and I left the theater both feeling understood. What a gift.

Why it is taking too long?

Manah — Fri, 02 Nov 2012 18:55:18 GMT

The last time I heared my father voice was one and a half years ago. The only way to communicate with him is by reading his thoughts ... And looking into his eyes... I wanted my father to express and speak out his thoughts using the eye gaze device but so far we failed as a family to convince him to use it. It is frustrating all of us ! The fact that we are unable to help him is crushing all of us. My father therapist is giving him tablets ease his depression. We have one question, how long is he going to be in this condition? He wants to know if he is not getting worse why is he not getting better ?

Mike Girling-Butcher calling Dr. Dan on the subject of pain....

Michael — Tue, 30 Oct 2012 20:55:34 GMT

Hi Dr. Dan,

I am c5 tetraplegic living with pain after 20 years without it. I have been a tetr for 24 years now.
Pain has been an unwelcome visitor and so I would appreciate your advice. I recognise diversion/distraction is a good way to lessen its affects. A former school teacher I use to be a prolific writer. I prefer to write rather than read but reading is knowledge.
The onset of pain with all the sci complications has not been pleasant. I am a divorced father of two adult children. I am the son of a general practitioner so I am wary of heavy medication. I take panadol 4 times a day and drink 4 litres of water each day.
I live in my own home with ten hours of care each day. This care package is sufficient during summer months but not winter. In NZ if you have an accident one is covered by accident compensation commision which is funded through taxes. The scheme runs out at 65 years with the expectation most recipients would be rehabilitated.
However with C5 sci full rehabilitation is unlikely to be achieved. Who knows what will happen?
In conclusion, being a paraplegic with SCI what are your tips to combat pain?
Girling-Butcher.
New Zealand

Depression and Self Esteem.

PATRICK_J — Tue, 30 Oct 2012 15:20:59 GMT

I posted a while back about my c4 c5 incomplete SCI. Depression was the topic and still.is. After 4 years and with little or no improvement it has a hold on me. There is so little that I can do for myself. Ihave become so dependent on others for even the basics. There doesn't seem to be any light at the end of the tunnel. Please don't think that I'm suicidal or anything, but the thought does cross my mind. All my problem does is drain the bank and after caregivers, hospital etc. there isnt much left. Sometimes I feel like just a worthless piece of flesh. I know that that feeling is just feeling sorry for myself, but I do feel like that at times.
Is there anything promising out there that a person of 62 years might hope to see? This injury has taken away just about everything that I have enjoyed doing in the past. Hands don't work except for 1 finger, no use of my legs, etc. I know you have heard it all before. Is there any end to this roller coaster of feelings?

Monthly Webcasts - Continuing the discussion

Gerthro — Thu, 11 Oct 2012 18:56:37 GMT

Before and after Dr. Dan's webcast you can comment, make suggestions, and keep the dialogue going right here.

Watch previous webcasts here.