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    Most Recent Posts
    Trish-411  says:
    TWM, I 100% understand what you are saying, where you are coming from, and how you are feeling.  I am a fan of Dan’s advice.  In fact...

    TWM  says:
    Thank you.  I am trying to take charge of my life.  I have too.  If I don't , I feel like I will just disappear into a black hole.&...

    Dan Gottlieb  says:
    dear TWM, I am so sorry for what you are going through. Unfortunately, I am well acquainted with this nightmare. You know, in nature there are no rig...

    Dan Gottlieb  says:
    the poet Rilke opens one of his poems with the following line: "I am too small in this world and not small enough to make every moment holy"...

    TWM  says:
    I know that he is the only one in charge of his recovery (not me).  No control.    I realize that I cannot make him want it but I ...

    Daniel Gottlieb, Ph.D., a practicing psychologist and family therapist, will be live in this section every Wednesday from 4-5 p.m. ET. Leave a question or comment anytime for him!  
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    581 Posts
    who we are how we cope
    By Dan Gottlieb   
    I am posting early this week because I am having a surgical procedure done tomorrow morning. I have had an open wound on my hip for several months, so now I have to go in to have it surgically repaired. There is also some infection on the hip bone, so that will have to be cleaned up also.
    It's outpatient surgery and I will be discharged with a pic line and a wound vac. And I will be allowed to sit for only 4-6 hours a day for the next month or six weeks.

    Most of you have been there. I was there 15 years ago when I needed a rotation flap on my ischium that resulted in my spending many months in bed. At that time, my wife had just left the marriage and my daughters were at college and I was truly alone.
    Of course I was angry which gave way to depression which gave way to anxiety which gave way to despair. And then I felt hopeless-that this was going to be my life. Something happened after that. Alone in that room spending much of my day looking out the window at a magnificent ash tree that must be 150 years old. Everything inside got quiet and peaceful. There was no longer an ego railing at the gods, just a being laying in bed feeling part of nature-no more important and no less, just a small part of part of this universe. At the end of all of those emotions I found the quality of peace I have never experienced before.

    So as I face tomorrow, I know I will feel anxious and depressed. I also know that I will feel loved and loving. The Dan Gottlieb that is going to bed tomorrow is different than he was 15 years ago, but I am not sure how. So in addition to my anxiety and sadness, I am both confident and curious. Confident that in the long run I will be okay. Very very curious about what these six weeks will be like.

    All my life I have always loved just watching people. Thank goodness I have become one of the people I enjoy watching!

    Please take care and I look forward to "seeing" you next week.

    Dan

    Daniel Gottlieb PhD
    www.DrDanGottlieb.com
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    Visit zuzu's profile
    104 Posts
    zuzu  says:
    So you've finally worked your #### off Dr. Dan.  You've got to quit doing that and take time to rest, although this laying down on the job plan isn't exactly the best plan of mice and men.  While you're face planted in your bed we'll have to bother you with audio links that are fun and distracting.  So here you go for starters, sent to me by a friend, enjoy.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WgkH6BxEAP4&feature=youtube_gdata_player
    Posted:   
    zuzu
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    Visit Tency's profile
    46 Posts
    Tency  says:
    Dear Daniel,
    Will be keeping you in my prayers.  Hope that you are better soon.  I was bedridden for several months and really had a tough time, but a friend was there for me and kept my spirits up with videos, readings, fresh lemonade and great Thai food. Love and Light, 10C
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    Visit Gerthro's profile
    135 Posts
    Gerthro  says:
    Wishing you the best.
    Posted:   
    Rob Gerth
    Director Digital Media
    Christopher & Dana Reeve Foundation
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    Visit PRC_Bernadette's profile
    128 Posts
    Hi Dr. Dan:
    Sending you lots of positive thoughts, prayers and patience to help you through the next six weeks.
    I can only guess that the one thing that has changed in the last 15 years is that you are now "more connected to people". The virtual world helps as do computers.

    Reach out and know that we are here for you as you have been for us.

    Fondly,
    Bernadette
    Posted:   
    "Every day I wake up is a good one"
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    Visit paris 85's profile
    88 Posts
    paris 85  says:
    Dear Dr Dan,

    I also sending  you positive thoughts and well wishes.

    Paris
    Posted:   
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    Visit Saralee Perel's profile
    150 Posts
    Dan,

    You sure have a lot of love and warmth from this community. However I, for one (and all) wish you everything good coming from this experience that you can, and will undoubtedy, find.

    I'm reading a book that's exactly on the sensations you describe from your awakening 15 years ago. You might like it: The Practical Neuroscience of Buddha' s Brain by Rick Hanson, Ph.D.

    Sending love your way,
    Saralee
    Posted:   
    Saralee Perel, Award-winning Nationally Syndicated Columnist

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    Visit Linda's profile
    14 Posts
    Linda  says:
    Best wishes for a speedy recovery Dan. I went through skin graph and skin flap surgery twice in the past 31 years. the hardest part is staying down. But you're right about the discovery   of inner piece and the serenity of self awareness.
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    Visit Selvina's profile
    14 Posts
    Selvina  says:
    I'm praying for you, Dr. Dan. All positive thoughts for you.

    Selvina
    Posted:   
    Selvina
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    Visit zuzu's profile
    104 Posts
    zuzu  says:
    I do believe your procedure went well and I'm sure you're still afloat on those twilight drugs that are used for outpatient stuff.  While you zone out for the evening I thought you'd like to listen to this.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WWUA1CXIku8&feature=share
    Posted:   
    zuzu
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    Visit nanaboombala's profile
    88 Posts
    nanaboombala  says:
    Hi Dan........I'm assuming your procedure is finished......and you're home , beginning your six week tour. I know you will endure it with the courage and determination you've showed in the past. My father shared a similar story with me, in a letter I still have and will always cherish ( hwe has long passed ), He was on the beach......says he saw some swooping loons......the sea was like glass......the waves , gentle.....soft.....he said that it hit him kind of suddenly......that he felt he was part of everything.......and that that was enough.......he was part of the whole.....and yes.....that was enough.He said it in a much more poetic way than I just did.......but it hit me when I read about how you felt looking at that ash tree......that you simply felt part of nature.........no more important.....no less. I'm sure both of you are saying the same thing. When two very special people say the same thing......it's time to listen ! Here's hoping that this finds you more confident and curious.......than sad and anxious . Feel better soon........warmest regards.......Norma
    Posted:   
    Norma Carroll
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    Visit Gerthro's profile
    135 Posts
    Gerthro  says:
    Dr. Dan will be stopping by today (June 26th) around 3pm ET to post and update everyone on his condition.

    Rob
    Posted:   
    Rob Gerth
    Director Digital Media
    Christopher & Dana Reeve Foundation
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    Visit Dan Gottlieb's profile
    581 Posts
    Dan Gottlieb  says:
    Well, surgery didn't go so well. They found extensive infection and osteomyelitis on the joints. So they discharged me on IV antibiotics and plan to have flap surgery Thursday. As many of you know, this means 6 to 8 weeks in bed 24 hours a day.
    In a strange way I felt pure dread – that dark combination of anxiety and helplessness. But at the same time I also feel confident that I will find a way to survive this ordeal. Confident that I will be okay and confident that I will suffer. Strange.

    But despite the IV antibiotics, I've had a fever since my discharge a week ago. So I just called the doctor a few minutes ago and he wants me in the hospital immediately. So off I go as soon as I sign off to my friends and colleagues on this page.

    I'll keep you posted I promise. And let's all of us lead as full a life as we can regardless of circumstance.

    Please take care

    Dan
    Posted:   

    Dan

    Daniel Gottlieb PhD
    www.DrDanGottlieb.com
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    Visit JLo's profile
    210 Posts
    JLo  says:
    Oh my. Dr. Dan, everyone at the Reeve Foundation and in the community is wishing you the best of health.

    Even during this rough time, you still find some comforting words to share with everyone, so thank you!
    Posted:   
    Janelle
    Communications Coordinator
    Christopher & Dana Reeve Foundation
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    Visit zuzu's profile
    104 Posts
    zuzu  says:
    Well that just sucks.  So as JLo said, we are all with you in spirit, surrounding you with love, positive healing vibrations and praying for your doctors to make good treatment decisions.
    Posted:   
    zuzu
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    Visit Walking Quad's profile
    7 Posts
    Walking Quad  says:
    Dan:
    Simply put, that sucks!  Please keep us posted and let us know how we can support you. Sending postive thoughts your way.
    Posted:   
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    Visit Gerthro's profile
    135 Posts
    Gerthro  says:

    If you'd like to wish Dan well, besides leaving a message here, you can send cards and letters to the home office and I'll be sure to get them to him.

    Christopher & Dana Reeve Foundation
    636 Morris Turnpike, Suite 3A
    Short Hills, NJ 07078
    Atten: Dr. Dan
     

    Posted:   
    Rob Gerth
    Director Digital Media
    Christopher & Dana Reeve Foundation
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    Visit PRC_Bernadette's profile
    128 Posts
    Gerthro said:

    If you'd like to wish Dan well, besides leaving a message here, you can send cards and letters to the home office and I'll be sure to get them to him.

    Christopher & Dana Reeve Foundation
    636 Morris Turnpike, Suite 3A
    Short Hills, NJ 07078
    Atten: Dr. Dan
     

    Great idea Rob. I do hope community members drop Dr. Dan a note. Dr. Dan gives from his heart to all of us, it is hard to hear about his rough journey.
    Posted:   
    "Every day I wake up is a good one"
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    Visit nanaboombala's profile
    88 Posts
    nanaboombala  says:
    I'm so very sorry Dan..........but I hope you are still confident that you will survive this ordeal.......I know I am. You said that you were confident that you would suffer.........strange.......yes ....you said it. When you recover.........we'll have to talk about suffering......why we do......why we have to endure it.......overcome it if we can. Since you started it......I'd like to hear your thoughts. ......if and when you feel like it. My prayers are with you...............Norma
    Posted:   
    Norma Carroll
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    Visit Selvina's profile
    14 Posts
    Selvina  says:
    Thank you, Rob.
    Posted:   
    Selvina
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    Visit Dan Gottlieb's profile
    581 Posts
    Dan Gottlieb  says:
    so here's the update: I was admitted to the hospital last Tuesday (two days before surgery) because of side effects from the antibiotic. Surgery was Thursday and it went well according to the surgeon. He seemed happy and it's always good to see a happy surgeon after surgery. And everyone who looked at the scar was thrilled with the way it looked. Personally, I have never seen a scar that made me feel thrilled but I know it takes all kinds.


    So now I am at home laying either on my back or my right side had a 30° angle and being rotated every two hours like a rack of barbecue ribs. And this is how I will spend my days until Labor Day.

    My mood is better than it should be. To be honest, that scares the hell out of me! Either I am in massive denial or I'm on drugs and don't remember taking them. Seriously, I do feel okay and I know that it is temporary. In the 48 hours-home, I have felt grateful, relieved, happy, abandoned, unloved, curious and probably 50 other motions I can't recall. In short, I am experiencing my life.

    I feel such gratitude that I have responsibilities to teach as it changes the focus of my experience. Throughout this adventure so far I am always asking two questions: "what can I learn" and "what can I teach"?

    I'll keep you posted on both! In the interim, I am so deeply grateful for your love, your concern and your support through this ordeal.
    Posted:   

    Dan

    Daniel Gottlieb PhD
    www.DrDanGottlieb.com
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    Visit JLo's profile
    210 Posts
    JLo  says:
    Happy to see you are at home healing, Dr. Dan, a much better comfort I'm sure than being stuck in the hospital.

    Keep your spirits up as always, and thank you for the update, we are all thinking of you!
    Posted:   
    Janelle
    Communications Coordinator
    Christopher & Dana Reeve Foundation
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    Visit nanaboombala's profile
    88 Posts
    nanaboombala  says:
    Hi Dan....so glad you are home........hospitals can be so.....well......lonely ! Glad the surgery went well.......and your spirits are up ! Now the long tedious part........recovery. Hope you have some good reading in front of you.......please lets us know if there is anything at all we can do to help you........you've given us so much ! Take care...........warmest regards........Norma
    Posted:   
    Norma Carroll
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    Visit Gerthro's profile
    135 Posts
    Gerthro  says:
    I heard you on WHYY radio promoting one of your up coming shows on the way in this morning. For a second I thought, Really, his back behind the mic already!

    Can't wait until you're back making more!

    Rob
    Posted:   
    Rob Gerth
    Director Digital Media
    Christopher & Dana Reeve Foundation
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    Visit Selvina's profile
    14 Posts
    Selvina  says:
    Dr. Dan, I wish the best for you.
    Posted:   
    Selvina
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    Visit Saralee Perel's profile
    150 Posts
    Dan Gottlieb said:
    so here's the update: I was admitted to the hospital last Tuesday (two days before surgery) because of side effects from the antibiotic. Surgery was Thursday and it went well according to the surgeon. He seemed happy and it's always good to see a happy surgeon after surgery. And everyone who looked at the scar was thrilled with the way it looked. Personally, I have never seen a scar that made me feel thrilled but I know it takes all kinds.


    So now I am at home laying either on my back or my right side had a 30° angle and being rotated every two hours like a rack of barbecue ribs. And this is how I will spend my days until Labor Day.

    My mood is better than it should be. To be honest, that scares the hell out of me! Either I am in massive denial or I'm on drugs and don't remember taking them. Seriously, I do feel okay and I know that it is temporary. In the 48 hours-home, I have felt grateful, relieved, happy, abandoned, unloved, curious and probably 50 other motions I can't recall. In short, I am experiencing my life.

    I feel such gratitude that I have responsibilities to teach as it changes the focus of my experience. Throughout this adventure so far I am always asking two questions: "what can I learn" and "what can I teach"?

    I'll keep you posted on both! In the interim, I am so deeply grateful for your love, your concern and your support through this ordeal.
    Hi Dan,

    Thank you for your update. Sometimes I wonder if the words in your last paragraph are the best curatives of all: gratitude, love, concern, support.

    You make me realize that those wonderful things don't come from waiting; I think they come from actively seeking. That is what you do. I respect and honor and love you.

    Saralee
    Posted:   
    Saralee Perel, Award-winning Nationally Syndicated Columnist

    Please click "Like" on our new Facebook Fan Page:
    Saralee Perel Presents Gracie, My 4-Footed Coach
    .
    My website: www.saraleeperel.com
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