I know how you feel I have people who live with me and I still feel alone because I am the only one in my house who is paralyzed and I have no one to help me or to talk to when something about this crap is getting me down and as far as work no one in this town will hire me even when I could walk I had issues getting a job in Kern county and as far as getting help to deal with getting help or finding something to do in this town for paraplegics just doesn't happen. Any ideas for a broke paraplegic I'm tired of sitting at home with nothing to do but watch TV I'm going nucking futs.

of course you are going nucking futs (I love that) watching TV. That's healthy.
One of the things that changed my life after my accident was when I discovered that I had the resources to help another human. Not just my professional resources, it was my ability to just listen to someone and care. It changed a person's life and it changed my.

I would hope there is some place nearby where you could volunteer to help some form of living being in some way. One of my closest friends is a very very busy man working two jobs and running all over the place. Nevertheless, he goes into a kindergarten once a week in a very bad neighborhood in South Jersey and reads to the children. He says that is the highlight of his week.

You need more kindness and understanding in your life. And it doesn't matter whether you are giving it or getting it.

I don't know kindness I have grown up in a family of anger that is all I've known my whole life to be kind is weak in my family I'm tired of being angry all the time it's pushing my best friend away I was told someone one would contact me for getting a mentor but I have only received an email and nothing more I need help or I'm going to die alone and soon my temper is causing some major problems what do I do.?

What you have done is became aware that the difficulty is your anger even more than your environment. This is a critical first step in making changes in your life. Now, stick with me here…

A part of your brain was able to step outside of your thoughts and emotions and make an observation. And that observation gave you a valuable information. Their are ways of practicing spending more time observing your thoughts and emotions rather than getting lost in them.

I want to challenge you about your assumption that you don't know about kindness. You reached out to this community asking for…
You wanted some ideas, sure. But beneath that you were asking for human contact, connection with people who understand and a reaction of kindness without critical judgment. Now, you might not have used any of those words and that might not have been in your thinking at all, but when you look back on this decision to reach out, a part of your being was looking for connection and kindness. That means that some level, you know kindness because you want it. You know kindness cause you don't want to push your friend away. Okay, that's not your strong suit, but it's in there, trust me.

I strongly encourage you to check out Kristin Neff. She has done some remarkable work with self compassion – kindness towards yourself. Her webpage is terrific and their our videos and exercises. Please check her out

http://www.self-compassion.org/

Listen to Dr. Dan, Charles.  You have kindness in you.  You have it for your children and your dog, for your friend that you don't really want to lose.  But with so much anger in your environment and having grown up with only examples of how to respond to situations in life with anger and an attitude of attack, it takes time to learn other ways of responding to the adversity of life.  Don't settle for the email that the mentor program sent.  Call every week until you have a mentor.  Go to the webpage Dr. Dan suggested and try the exercises no matter how stupid they seem.  Because what you are asking for is to not die alone with anger, so you have to try something different to get a different outcome.  So try those two things for a month.  Just one month, they say that's what it takes for a new habit to get set.  Keep sharing with Dr. Dan, and no matter how angry you get, know that's because your body is fighting a new way of being.  Fight back.  Call the place and tell them you need that mentor.  Go to the webpage and do the first exercise if you haven't yet.  One month to a changed habit.  Hug your dog.  A good night Charles.

Thanks I have been shown kindness and compassion like from the people on this website and I believe it is helping oh so much and I'm greatful to all of you I have been talking on the phone to one man and it's helping some

Hi Charles.........I'm so glad you're talking to someone......and it's helping. I hope you take Dr.Dan and zuzu's advice . There are many of us here who share your dilemma.......so it's helpful to read everybodys posts........makes me feel less alone. Anyway........just wanted to say hi......and good luck................Norma

Charles started out saying that he didn't know kindness. And now he has experienced the kindness of a caring community. This is the kind of reaction I wish for all babies, small children and even adolescents-the ability to truly hear what they are going through and greet their suffering with kindness. So Charles what you didn't get with your biological family, you are getting with this one. That makes us all happy and feel even more invested in one another.

I have a kind of grandson named Jacob. He is four years old and lived with me for the first 3 1/2 years of his life. Now that he lives with his mother elsewhere, we visit at least once a week. On his last visit, he and his father were going to his grandmother's house. I didn't know this but Jacob had been thinking for a long time about how much he wanted me to visit her house but it wasn't accessible.
So a few days ago as he was about to leave, he went into great detail about how he figured out how we could build a ramp to get up the two steps to her house. And then he paused, reflected and said: "oh no, but then there is that one step before that"

I was moved almost to tears that this little boy cared so much about his grandpa. He cared. And that kind of mentality is fairly typical of children that age. And trust me Charles, when you were his age you cared also. So this business of caring is hardwiring inside all of us, it just needs to be reactivated with a little help from our friends.

Hello Charles,                          You can reach out here for some special kindness. It really is so hurtful to hear about the anger in the family. Anger brings us so much pain and is worse when we are ill.  One thing that I know is that you must feel love and kindness from your dog. There are so many kind people that are patience and are going through these same issues. Start by being kind to yourself. It might not be easy but reach out and don't stop trying. You deserve to be happy as we all do. Always remember that we care about you and your feelings. Anger is a sad thing and such a negative emotion. Love and kindness is special and so positive. I truly hope that you find happiness. Always remember that you are so worth it.  DonnaLee

Hi DonnaLee,

yes, chronic anger is worse for your body than almost anything. It affects blood pressure, digestion, mood, social contacts, worldview and overall quality of life. Chronic anger makes us reactive to our environment so that when something external happens we react in a flash as anger makes us less likely to be reflective.

But saving all that doesn't eliminate anger, it just gives some good reasons for doing so. So how do we diminish anger? The most difficult step is the first one-to really be willing to release our grasp on the anger. You see, as toxic as it is, after experiencing it for many years it feels comfortable. Maybe painful and unpleasant, but comfortable. So we have to be willing to leave what feels comfortable-predictable and when we release our grasp, the future is more unknown.

Brene Brown, a cognitive psychologist at the University of Texas says that we would rather live disappointed than risk becoming disappointed.

Hi would then suggest taking some time out every day and simply experiencing one's life as it is. The anger is part of a narrative we tell ourselves about what happened or what we should do or what other people should have done. But I suggest just feeling the experience of your life for 30 min. a day. Just notice the temperature in the room, the sensations on and in your body whether they are pleasant or not, notice the ambient sounds, notice your breathing. Then perhaps you might be aware of how rapidly your mind is going or how many emotions you might feel and how quickly they might pass. Just experience your life and eventually you will come to realize that anger is just an emotion. The the same way the happiness that goes with laughter is temporary as is anxiety or sadness. If we just notice what we are experiencing, we will come to learn that all emotions are just temporary and that very few of them carry important information.

As always, I appreciate your kindness and wisdom, DonnaLee