http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2012/04/05/solitude-and-loneliness do just about anything to go back to where I was before my accident. I was a fifteen year (plus) pain management patient (Fibromyalgia, Chronic Myofascial Pain, Osteo-Arthritis, Thoracic Outlet Syndrome, etc.) and I had other health concerns like stereogenosis, hypothyroidism, asthma, etc before my car hit a very large tree last year and broke my neck. I've always been the kind of person that a friend could call at 3AM in an emergency and I would go. Why have so many of the people in my life gone away? Is the whole world really TOO BUSY?]]> en-us Wed, 20 Feb 2013 18:44:21 GMT http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2012/04/05/solitude-and-loneliness?tr=220904#tr__220904 http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2012/04/05/solitude-and-loneliness?tr=220904#tr__220904
yes, chronic anger is worse for your body than almost anything. It affects blood pressure, digestion, mood, social contacts, worldview and overall quality of life. Chronic anger makes us reactive to our environment so that when something external happens we react in a flash as anger makes us less likely to be reflective.

But saving all that doesn't eliminate anger, it just gives some good reasons for doing so. So how do we diminish anger? The most difficult step is the first one-to really be willing to release our grasp on the anger. You see, as toxic as it is, after experiencing it for many years it feels comfortable. Maybe painful and unpleasant, but comfortable. So we have to be willing to leave what feels comfortable-predictable and when we release our grasp, the future is more unknown.

Brene Brown, a cognitive psychologist at the University of Texas says that we would rather live disappointed than risk becoming disappointed.

Hi would then suggest taking some time out every day and simply experiencing one's life as it is. The anger is part of a narrative we tell ourselves about what happened or what we should do or what other people should have done. But I suggest just feeling the experience of your life for 30 min. a day. Just notice the temperature in the room, the sensations on and in your body whether they are pleasant or not, notice the ambient sounds, notice your breathing. Then perhaps you might be aware of how rapidly your mind is going or how many emotions you might feel and how quickly they might pass. Just experience your life and eventually you will come to realize that anger is just an emotion. The the same way the happiness that goes with laughter is temporary as is anxiety or sadness. If we just notice what we are experiencing, we will come to learn that all emotions are just temporary and that very few of them carry important information.

As always, I appreciate your kindness and wisdom, DonnaLee]]> Wed, 20 Feb 2013 18:44:21 GMT Dan Gottlieb http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2012/04/05/solitude-and-loneliness?tr=220301#tr__220301 http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2012/04/05/solitude-and-loneliness?tr=220301#tr__220301 ]]> Thu, 14 Feb 2013 00:54:29 GMT DonnaLee http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2012/04/05/solitude-and-loneliness?tr=220254#tr__220254 http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2012/04/05/solitude-and-loneliness?tr=220254#tr__220254
I have a kind of grandson named Jacob. He is four years old and lived with me for the first 3 1/2 years of his life. Now that he lives with his mother elsewhere, we visit at least once a week. On his last visit, he and his father were going to his grandmother's house. I didn't know this but Jacob had been thinking for a long time about how much he wanted me to visit her house but it wasn't accessible.
So a few days ago as he was about to leave, he went into great detail about how he figured out how we could build a ramp to get up the two steps to her house. And then he paused, reflected and said: "oh no, but then there is that one step before that"

I was moved almost to tears that this little boy cared so much about his grandpa. He cared. And that kind of mentality is fairly typical of children that age. And trust me Charles, when you were his age you cared also. So this business of caring is hardwiring inside all of us, it just needs to be reactivated with a little help from our friends.]]> Wed, 13 Feb 2013 19:26:36 GMT Dan Gottlieb http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2012/04/05/solitude-and-loneliness?tr=219529#tr__219529 http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2012/04/05/solitude-and-loneliness?tr=219529#tr__219529



]]> Thu, 07 Feb 2013 16:55:40 GMT Wheelchair Mama http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2012/04/05/solitude-and-loneliness?tr=219525#tr__219525 http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2012/04/05/solitude-and-loneliness?tr=219525#tr__219525 Thu, 07 Feb 2013 16:39:53 GMT nanaboombala http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2012/04/05/solitude-and-loneliness?tr=219410#tr__219410 http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2012/04/05/solitude-and-loneliness?tr=219410#tr__219410 Wed, 06 Feb 2013 12:16:51 GMT REAPER http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2012/04/05/solitude-and-loneliness?tr=219399#tr__219399 http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2012/04/05/solitude-and-loneliness?tr=219399#tr__219399 Wed, 06 Feb 2013 05:19:44 GMT zuzu http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2012/04/05/solitude-and-loneliness?tr=218576#tr__218576 http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2012/04/05/solitude-and-loneliness?tr=218576#tr__218576
A part of your brain was able to step outside of your thoughts and emotions and make an observation. And that observation gave you a valuable information. Their are ways of practicing spending more time observing your thoughts and emotions rather than getting lost in them.

I want to challenge you about your assumption that you don't know about kindness. You reached out to this community asking for…
You wanted some ideas, sure. But beneath that you were asking for human contact, connection with people who understand and a reaction of kindness without critical judgment. Now, you might not have used any of those words and that might not have been in your thinking at all, but when you look back on this decision to reach out, a part of your being was looking for connection and kindness. That means that some level, you know kindness because you want it. You know kindness cause you don't want to push your friend away. Okay, that's not your strong suit, but it's in there, trust me.

I strongly encourage you to check out Kristin Neff. She has done some remarkable work with self compassion – kindness towards yourself. Her webpage is terrific and their our videos and exercises. Please check her out

http://www.self-compassion.org/]]> Wed, 30 Jan 2013 21:27:43 GMT Dan Gottlieb http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2012/04/05/solitude-and-loneliness?tr=218439#tr__218439 http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2012/04/05/solitude-and-loneliness?tr=218439#tr__218439 Tue, 29 Jan 2013 21:29:32 GMT REAPER http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2012/04/05/solitude-and-loneliness?tr=217690#tr__217690 http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2012/04/05/solitude-and-loneliness?tr=217690#tr__217690 One of the things that changed my life after my accident was when I discovered that I had the resources to help another human. Not just my professional resources, it was my ability to just listen to someone and care. It changed a person's life and it changed my.

I would hope there is some place nearby where you could volunteer to help some form of living being in some way. One of my closest friends is a very very busy man working two jobs and running all over the place. Nevertheless, he goes into a kindergarten once a week in a very bad neighborhood in South Jersey and reads to the children. He says that is the highlight of his week.

You need more kindness and understanding in your life. And it doesn't matter whether you are giving it or getting it.]]> Wed, 23 Jan 2013 21:20:39 GMT Dan Gottlieb http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2012/04/05/solitude-and-loneliness?tr=217078#tr__217078 http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2012/04/05/solitude-and-loneliness?tr=217078#tr__217078 Fri, 18 Jan 2013 17:33:38 GMT REAPER http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2012/04/05/solitude-and-loneliness?tr=208290#tr__208290 http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2012/04/05/solitude-and-loneliness?tr=208290#tr__208290
This is exactly why I wanted to start our monthly webcasts, just so we could come together as kindred spirits and make contact with each other beyond the written word. Our last web cast was about intimate relationships and sexuality. Next month (November 7) we will be talking about all intimate relationships including family and even our intimate relationship with ourselves.


Please join us

By the way, I had a baclofen pump years ago and it worked great. But it got infected when it was put in and I had to have it taken out. Here I am many years later and my spasms are getting worse and I have made an appointment with my doctor to revisit having that put in again. It worked wonderfully.]]> Wed, 17 Oct 2012 20:29:41 GMT Dan Gottlieb http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2012/04/05/solitude-and-loneliness?tr=208199#tr__208199 http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2012/04/05/solitude-and-loneliness?tr=208199#tr__208199 Tue, 16 Oct 2012 20:15:02 GMT jeannie http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2012/04/05/solitude-and-loneliness?tr=204798#tr__204798 http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2012/04/05/solitude-and-loneliness?tr=204798#tr__204798 If you would like, I would be happy to help you find resources in Bakersfield. Please feel free to e-mail me directly if I can help in any way:
DrDanGottlieb@aol.com]]> Tue, 18 Sep 2012 19:36:36 GMT Dan Gottlieb http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2012/04/05/solitude-and-loneliness?tr=204797#tr__204797 http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2012/04/05/solitude-and-loneliness?tr=204797#tr__204797 you said something in your previous post that was very important. You said that despite your depression, you are a role model for your daughter. You don't have to pretend you are not depressed or that this is not difficult. But how you deal with your adversity is what your daughter will learn from.
As I've mentioned before I have my own history of clinical depression and was very open with my daughters about what was happening to me and what I was doing about it (medication and psychotherapy).
20 years later when my daughter experienced clinical depression, she knew what was happening and she wasn't ashamed face it or get treatment. More important, she learned that one can get through it and recover.
We are our children's role models no matter what their age and no matter what we do]]> Tue, 18 Sep 2012 19:34:51 GMT Dan Gottlieb