http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/14/is-acceptance-key-to-living-a-fulfilling-life
"This may seem to be a curt reply but I do not mean it that way. Here goes; Why is it that you feel compelled to "accept" your condition? Do you believe this acceptance is intrinsically necessary in order to live the fullest life possible?"

What are your thoughts?  Please share below or on the FacingDisability Forum.


]]> en-us Wed, 28 Mar 2012 17:03:25 GMT http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/14/is-acceptance-key-to-living-a-fulfilling-life?tr=183790#tr__183790 http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/14/is-acceptance-key-to-living-a-fulfilling-life?tr=183790#tr__183790 Wed, 28 Mar 2012 17:03:25 GMT Pepe http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/14/is-acceptance-key-to-living-a-fulfilling-life?tr=183591#tr__183591 http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/14/is-acceptance-key-to-living-a-fulfilling-life?tr=183591#tr__183591 I know, forgiveness for what and to whom?
Well, the obvious is that we need to forgive our bodies for no longer working. I've talked about that before.
But whether we are in a chair or loving someone who is, we have all experienced betrayal. And many feel resentment for the lives we have wound up with. Resentment usually means we are angry at someone or something. Maybe angry at the person we hold accountable for this accident or angry at a doctor or an insurance company. Many are angry at God or fate or life itself.

Webster defines forgiveness as letting go of resentment. It's not about condoning someone else's behavior, it is simply opening up and letting go of resentment. Of course it's easier said than done. But one of the byproducts of being assaulted by circumstance beyond our control is that we feel powerless.

Believe it or not, letting go of resentment and finding forgiveness is a way of taking back power in our lives. It frees us to make our history history. Our disabilities are with us every day, and some days we suffer terribly. but if we are able to forgive our trespassers, we will have a better chance of reclaiming joy]]> Tue, 27 Mar 2012 15:26:07 GMT Dan Gottlieb http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/14/is-acceptance-key-to-living-a-fulfilling-life?tr=183588#tr__183588 http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/14/is-acceptance-key-to-living-a-fulfilling-life?tr=183588#tr__183588
what I meant to say was that depression impairs the functioning of the immune system and delays the healing process. Unfortunately, depression also comes with critical self judgment and even self-loathing which makes matters worse.

Major depression is a very serious health problem and should not be taken lightly.psychotherapy, medication and other interventions are all helpful. And most helpful is a combination of all of them.

Hope that clarifies it!]]> Tue, 27 Mar 2012 14:58:02 GMT Dan Gottlieb http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/14/is-acceptance-key-to-living-a-fulfilling-life?tr=183080#tr__183080 http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/14/is-acceptance-key-to-living-a-fulfilling-life?tr=183080#tr__183080 Joel, have you ever seen Headmouse Extreme from Origin Instruments? it runs about $1000, but it's really great and makes it so easy for even C1/C2 quads to be in full control of computer.  You just install the mouse and attack little foil dot to chin and it will track that dot.
My son has e-mail, and maybe if your son wants, we can try to get them together to talk, or even skype is great.  If they both are interested, write to me inprivate message,so I can give you email.]]> Fri, 23 Mar 2012 14:53:27 GMT Maxysmom http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/14/is-acceptance-key-to-living-a-fulfilling-life?tr=183078#tr__183078 http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/14/is-acceptance-key-to-living-a-fulfilling-life?tr=183078#tr__183078
  I don't think the NeuRx is a waste of time if it will provide your son any more mobility such as traveling away from home without the vent pipes connected. We had a hard time convincing doctors it would be helpful since they were convinced he would never breath on his own again. We got them to start CPAP and it worked with some training. He got to eight hours per day when they actually approved him for the diaphragm pacer. I'll let you know how this progresses but now he is doing 45 minutes with an hour break and repeating several times a day. He loves it!!!
My son still can't communicate with his EyeGaze computer because it can't track his eyes effectively. He only communicates with others by having us text messages on our phones.
I hope one day our boys can be fixed and the research I read is very promising. We know exactly what you mean when you run up on laziness and apathy. That is such a drain on you physically and emotionally. I'll keep your family in my prayers for better days.]]> Fri, 23 Mar 2012 14:34:05 GMT Joel http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/14/is-acceptance-key-to-living-a-fulfilling-life?tr=183002#tr__183002 http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/14/is-acceptance-key-to-living-a-fulfilling-life?tr=183002#tr__183002
Deborah]]> Fri, 23 Mar 2012 00:02:19 GMT zuzu http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/14/is-acceptance-key-to-living-a-fulfilling-life?tr=182936#tr__182936 http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/14/is-acceptance-key-to-living-a-fulfilling-life?tr=182936#tr__182936 Joel, I would love for our boys to communicate if your son is ok with it.  Is he using any assistive technology devises?  Maybe there is something useful I could share with you, if you don't yet know about it.
]]> Thu, 22 Mar 2012 16:36:35 GMT Maxysmom http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/14/is-acceptance-key-to-living-a-fulfilling-life?tr=182914#tr__182914 http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/14/is-acceptance-key-to-living-a-fulfilling-life?tr=182914#tr__182914  I have a 24 year old son who is completely paralyzed from a motorcycle wreck a year ago. I completely understand your frustrations and have the same concerns on what happens when my wife and I are not around any longer to provide care.
 I know your son is on a vent 24/7 and I wanted to pass along that there is a device called NeuRx which is a diaphragm pacer. My son had one implanted last Monday and is training to increase his breathing. He is now up to 3 1/2 hours a day and increasing. Our goal is to get him off the vent so he can have some mobility. Just being able to go outside in the freash air will mean a lot to him. I hope this can help your son.]]> Thu, 22 Mar 2012 13:46:58 GMT Joel http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/14/is-acceptance-key-to-living-a-fulfilling-life?tr=182619#tr__182619 http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/14/is-acceptance-key-to-living-a-fulfilling-life?tr=182619#tr__182619
So how about it Dr. Dan?  Wondering minds want to know.]]> Wed, 21 Mar 2012 02:18:10 GMT zuzu http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/14/is-acceptance-key-to-living-a-fulfilling-life?tr=182615#tr__182615 http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/14/is-acceptance-key-to-living-a-fulfilling-life?tr=182615#tr__182615
I have to agree with you.  I’m not sure I get it either.  My initial thought was that basically he is saying that reserach shows depression diminishes the immune response and healing process.  But I may be way off here.

Well now since it’s two against one, Dan will have to explain himself.

Trish
]]> Wed, 21 Mar 2012 01:38:05 GMT Trish-411 http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/14/is-acceptance-key-to-living-a-fulfilling-life?tr=182596#tr__182596 http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/14/is-acceptance-key-to-living-a-fulfilling-life?tr=182596#tr__182596
"There is lots of research out there that demonstrates the value of Self-Compassion for boosting the immune system and the healing process. And there is lots of research that demonstrates the opposite for depression."

What I'm not getting is the part about research demonstating the opposite for depression.

Warmly,
Saralee]]> Tue, 20 Mar 2012 21:30:55 GMT Saralee Perel http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/14/is-acceptance-key-to-living-a-fulfilling-life?tr=182570#tr__182570 http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/14/is-acceptance-key-to-living-a-fulfilling-life?tr=182570#tr__182570 So I guess my practice could include almost all of us.

How do we live with something we never thought we would have to live with? How do we live with a body or a mind that or a life we don't particularly like?

I think part of the answer comes from Marley, my daughter's adorable three legged pit bull.  When people first meet Marley, they react with sadness for what they believe she must endure. The inevitably bring up all of the things Marley can't do and they feel sorry for her.  Meanwhile, Marley doesn't suffer with her three legs. She just has three legs. But when we wind up in a wheelchair or in a hospital, we suffer. We suffer because we are not living the lives we want to have, think we should have, think we deserve. Marley, on the other hand, is simply living the life she has. Marley doesn't have those great big frontal lobes that humans have. Those frontal lobes where we craft all sorts of stories about who we are and who we are not, what will happen in the future and what life should be like. It is in those big frontal lobes that we pass judgment on ourselves and others. You see, Marley's reaction to her three legs really underscores that having a mind is not all it's cracked up to be!

So we suffer because of the stories we tell ourselves about what our pain means. But we are human and we tell stories. But we also suffer because something has been taken from our grasp. Whether it is dreams of tomorrow or memories of yesterday, we have all lived through the injustice of a theft. And our problem-solving brains always look to restore what we have lost.
And that can be very healthy in that it can motivate us to make things better in our lives. But the desire to find personal justice can also be self-destructive. I know so many people who feel that their lives are in limbo and that life will begin when… Every day I hear people who are waiting for their spouse to change, for the weight to come off, for improved function, for their brains to function differently and on and on. It breaks my heart to bear witness to these good people whose hearts are closed so tightly that their spirits are not getting the sunlight and nurture they need to grow.
I used to hate my body, calling it a terrorist. I resented that I had to be so good to my body and it felt like it was so mean to me. And then I began living my life more fully. I began to enjoy my work, my friends and the love I felt for others. I didn't think much about my body until I developed a severe double pneumonia two years ago. I don't know if I was close to death for not, but I sure did feel that way. And as I gasped for air, I realized that all my body was doing was trying to survive in the face of this horrible bacteria. I felt at one with my body that we were finally working together in order to keep me alive.
This was the beginning of a great sense of compassion I feel for my body. It works hard and it suffers. When I go into dysreflexia, my body is in crisis but does not know how to repair itself. My body feels as though it is desperate for remedy and I feel compassion.
How do we live with something we never thought we would have to live with? We cannot decide what kind of body or mind or history we have, but we can decide to choose life itself. And once that is done, we can cultivate compassion for ourselves. Not self-pity or self indulgence, but a sense of understanding and kindness for the person we are. Nothing correlates more highly with overall happiness than Self-Compassion.
For more information about Self-Compassion, I recommend the book by the same title by Christine Neff PhD.]]> Tue, 20 Mar 2012 19:54:02 GMT Dan Gottlieb http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/14/is-acceptance-key-to-living-a-fulfilling-life?tr=182494#tr__182494 http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/14/is-acceptance-key-to-living-a-fulfilling-life?tr=182494#tr__182494 very often living with spinal cord injury means experiencing acceptance, despair, hope and hopelessness – and back again. When I feel despair, I want to be with people who can tolerate my pain and not try to talk me out of it. I want to be with people who love me and have faith in my own resilience. And I want to be with people who will be able to turn to me when they are in pain.
Joyce, when your daughter suffers so do you. You have to be what I've described above for her. But you also need people in your own network that can nurture you when you feel this great pain. Please don't ever turn your back on yourself.]]> Tue, 20 Mar 2012 13:48:50 GMT Dan Gottlieb http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/14/is-acceptance-key-to-living-a-fulfilling-life?tr=181556#tr__181556 http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/14/is-acceptance-key-to-living-a-fulfilling-life?tr=181556#tr__181556
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=84H-xLrLvvk&feature=related
http://www.eyewriter.org/developer/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=84H-xLrLvvk

As for his acceptance, living IN his computer is his way of coping and acceptance.  In his computer he can move in three dimensions, can freely communicate, can go anywhere in the blink of an eye.  Any kid would want the opportunity to do that, and their parent's permssion to use a computer daily is a huge bonus for a 16 year old.  He says he's cool with it, let him learn, discover, travel, communicate, and maybe he'll be the one who developes the app that lets people like him get off the vent, or a way of providing the hardware that lets him use his arms at a reasonable price, or he makes the connection between all the research information that solves the puzzle of finding a solution to paralysis.  And your feeling like he has no life is your interpretation of what his life should look like at this moment.  Does he have internet friends?  Do they talk on a regular basis?  Are they good people?  Is he taking classes for graduation?  Is he going to take college courses online?  Does he have a goal for the future?  Has he thought about enrolling in research studies that he could participate in online?  Does he participate in online blogs or support groups like those on the CRPF site?  And most important, is there a support group in the area you live that you could go to?  You could benefit from talking to other parents of kids with chronic conditions like Cerebal Palsy, Cystic Fibrosis, parylsis, MS because they are all in situations of caregiving and worried about the same issues you are.  There are ways of planning for your future so you don't have to be quite so worried about your son all the time.  There ARE better caregivers out there, you just haven't come across one yet.  My Mom has had two amazing caregivers among the several we've had, and they stuck with her for 5 years each.  We were quite blessed by God for the time they were with her.  I'll put Maxy and you on my list and see if we can't pray a few into your lives - in the meantime tell the chick you have now to imagine how she'd feel if he were her son and she came home to see him sitting in such an uncomfortable position.  You just want her to treat him like he was her child, because someday she may be in the position where someone is caring for her's, and it's paid forward.

We'll pray for better care, for you to find better support and some peace, and for Maxy to find something to do outside of a computer screen (now THAT WILL take an Act of God!).
Deborah]]> Wed, 14 Mar 2012 03:42:36 GMT zuzu http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/14/is-acceptance-key-to-living-a-fulfilling-life?tr=181549#tr__181549 http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/14/is-acceptance-key-to-living-a-fulfilling-life?tr=181549#tr__181549 Deborah]]> Wed, 14 Mar 2012 03:14:53 GMT zuzu