http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/07/how-did-you-accept-your-sci Facing Disability’s Forum section has a new discussion thread that really needs your answers.  How did you deal with you new SCI and accepting your new identity in wheelchair? ]]> en-us Wed, 30 Jan 2013 23:20:33 GMT http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/07/how-did-you-accept-your-sci?tr=218587#tr__218587 http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/07/how-did-you-accept-your-sci?tr=218587#tr__218587 Wed, 30 Jan 2013 23:20:33 GMT REAPER http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/07/how-did-you-accept-your-sci?tr=218549#tr__218549 http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/07/how-did-you-accept-your-sci?tr=218549#tr__218549 you sound pretty angry. Angry at your community, angry at your body, angry at lots of things. It makes sense. The body's natural reaction to having something stolen is anger. And all of us experience our losses initially as a theft.
And how could we not? One day we are walking down the street (literally) and we believe we have some predictability in our lives and a roadmap for ourselves and all of a sudden there is no ground beneath us and we are in freefall.
Anger is a clenched fist, it encourages us to fight whatever injustice we've experienced. In the short run, anger is a good thing.

But when anger lasts, it feeds on itself and the anger gets bigger and more entrenched. And the resentment becomes like an infection that's out of control. Now all of that great insight doesn't really change anything because we cannot decide "that makes sense, I won't be angry anymore."

But allow that anger to be part of the process. At this moment in your life you do not want the life you have you wanted what you had yesterday. Everybody who has experienced any trauma feels exactly the same way. And then there comes a point where you say to yourself: "okay, I don't like this one little bit, but it is my life now so how do I plan on living it?"

All of my growth in life has begun with the words "holy ####, this is terrible and it's not going to change." And then it's followed by "how am I going to live with this?" Charles, that question itself opens the door to resources and answers and creativity. It doesn't get you into yesterday's life, but it is the start of getting you into tomorrow's life.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Especially because I know that anger and I know that pain firsthand.

Please join us for the live Web chat next Wednesday as we will be talking about our identities before, now and in the future.]]> Wed, 30 Jan 2013 19:49:12 GMT Dan Gottlieb http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/07/how-did-you-accept-your-sci?tr=217277#tr__217277 http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/07/how-did-you-accept-your-sci?tr=217277#tr__217277 Sun, 20 Jan 2013 19:24:40 GMT REAPER http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/07/how-did-you-accept-your-sci?tr=217275#tr__217275 http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/07/how-did-you-accept-your-sci?tr=217275#tr__217275 Sun, 20 Jan 2013 19:14:22 GMT Debra http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/07/how-did-you-accept-your-sci?tr=217191#tr__217191 http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/07/how-did-you-accept-your-sci?tr=217191#tr__217191 Sat, 19 Jan 2013 19:02:54 GMT REAPER http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/07/how-did-you-accept-your-sci?tr=217183#tr__217183 http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/07/how-did-you-accept-your-sci?tr=217183#tr__217183 Do you not have a power chair?  Is there no transit authority where you live?  Are there no organizations where you live?  All of these help to get get you out and about.  I do not know the extent of your paralysis but there's a lot out there to help you find a job.  Let us know the answer to my quesstions and perhaps I can help.  I am 2 1/2 years post incomplete and am frustrated daily as I cannot walk or use my hands very effectively but I keep trying.]]> Sat, 19 Jan 2013 17:50:06 GMT Debra http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/07/how-did-you-accept-your-sci?tr=217081#tr__217081 http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/07/how-did-you-accept-your-sci?tr=217081#tr__217081 Fri, 18 Jan 2013 17:45:31 GMT REAPER http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/07/how-did-you-accept-your-sci?tr=208287#tr__208287 http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/07/how-did-you-accept-your-sci?tr=208287#tr__208287
First of all, anyone reading this will tell you that you should hire a good civil rights attorney. From what you describe, it sounds like there was a violation of the ADA. Maybe not, but it might be worth exploring.

You've really captured the issue when you said you could live with all of the physical problems as long as you felt you were making a contribution to the world. I am sure (hope) lots of people weigh in with lots of ideas for you so I won't go down that path.

But I will say this about your fear of darkness. I often tell people that the path to freedom is right through the middle of our worst nightmare. And you and I cannot literally run away from our demons. So if you are afraid of the darkness, that means you are afraid of parts of yourself. You have gone through enough suffering, please don't abandon the parts of yourself that are frightened or depressed or confused or rageful or vulnerable or even the parts that want to just quit. It is obvious the darkness is a part of your experience, it's not who you are.

In Le Ms. Victor Hugo said: "in darkness the pupil violates as though searching for light. In adversity the heart dilates as though searching for God."

Please stay in touch]]> Wed, 17 Oct 2012 20:16:46 GMT Dan Gottlieb http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/07/how-did-you-accept-your-sci?tr=208223#tr__208223 http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/07/how-did-you-accept-your-sci?tr=208223#tr__208223 Wed, 17 Oct 2012 00:17:59 GMT Debra Ann http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/07/how-did-you-accept-your-sci?tr=208104#tr__208104 http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/07/how-did-you-accept-your-sci?tr=208104#tr__208104
Paolo,

Rather than challenge you on calling we who have, for whatever reason, accepted our SCI and the conditions they have caused, 'losers,' I'd like to simply offer my own opinion.

My injury -- L1 complete, ASIA-A -- was the result of a motorsports-related fall last summer in the Isle of Man.
I could easily fall into the trap of blaming my driver for a crash in which only I was injured, but that would mean I'd already lost the bigger race. For as long as I'd been roadracing others had told me that sooner or later I was going to get really hurt, or that motorcycles were dangerous or something to that effect and the short answer from just about any racer worth his salt will be, 'Yeah, but so is crossing the street or drinking too much diet pop.'
As a thinking, longtime racer I'd long ago considered and accepted the risks inherent in the sport, much the same as you do every time you put on that seat belt before leaving the driveway. I wore the best safety equipment I could buy, had the training & experience to race in the classes I'd chosen and was duly insured, at least well enough to feel confident I'd covered all the bases should things go really sideways. Did I ever consider that I could end up paraplegic, and not just dead?
No, but I believe it's this line of thinking that's allowed me to not only accept what happened and get on with my life, albeit from a different perspective, but to face the reality that while there is most certainly great progress being made in the SCI field, I could better spend my time productively instead of holding my breath waiting for a cure to come to me.

My second day at St Maarten's Revalidatiekliniek, as I was sitting for the first time in my wheelchair in the room I would share with two other patients, one of them asked if this was a new thing for me. I replied that yes, it was, but that it had been made clear I was going to have plenty of time to get used to it. His reply was, 'I've never walked,' and as we got to talking I found that Jeffrey was 27, had an apartment of his own, a girlfriend, job & car -- and had been born with spina biffida. It was that moment I decided to adjust to my new situation as quickly & best I could; there would be other things to cry about, but simply not walking or being able to pee standing up anymore wouldn't be some of them.

Does this make me a loser? I think not, unless I want to spend the rest of my definitely more challenging days wishing I'd never started that race, or comparing how much more difficult my days are now versus before the crash. It's only when you keep looking back that you see them catching up, so why worry about what's behind you when your race is all about what's going on ahead of you? Another truism I learned from racing is this: You Get What You Settle For -- read it, learn it, live it. If there are losers in this game, they're probably those who continue to miss what's gone away & can't be wished back, or refuse to adapt & get on with playing to the best of their new ability.
   
Is it not rational to accept the reality of one's new post-SCI life and be happy with what you've still got, or could have by adapting as best one can? Should my friend Jeffrey quit being happy with his life, or should I assume he hasn't the common sense to know any different? Personally, I'm pretty happy that it's even possible to make the adjustments necessary for nearly as normal an active, busy life as I had before and will continue to think of us all as 'winners,' thank you very much.

]]> Mon, 15 Oct 2012 16:35:35 GMT new2thegame http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/07/how-did-you-accept-your-sci?tr=207645#tr__207645 http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/07/how-did-you-accept-your-sci?tr=207645#tr__207645
I don't think it's about acceptance. I think it's about whether we can allow ourselves to feel we can make a contribution to the world and whether we can accept who we are as people and perhaps even feel kindness and compassion for the person we are.

So it's not about accepting any part of ourselves, it's about accepting ourselves and feeling kindness towards that person.

And to be honest, my priority in life is certainly not walking again. I would much rather have a bladder that functions better or spasms that don't interfere with my driving. But what do I want most of all? I want to continue this life for as long as I possibly can.

Please take care my friends and please keep posting as this is a very important topic]]> Wed, 10 Oct 2012 20:53:13 GMT Dan Gottlieb http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/07/how-did-you-accept-your-sci?tr=207412#tr__207412 http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/07/how-did-you-accept-your-sci?tr=207412#tr__207412 Tue, 09 Oct 2012 01:39:44 GMT jeannie http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/07/how-did-you-accept-your-sci?tr=171752#tr__171752 http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/07/how-did-you-accept-your-sci?tr=171752#tr__171752
And Trish – because of your husband TBI, you are deprived of the compassion and gratitude you need and deserve. I wonder if it feels better or worse hearing how Jeff and Joe appreciate their wives?
You work hard, you sometimes become emotionally and spiritually malnourished, I hope that you are able to feel kindness and compassion for this good woman who works so hard to do the right thing.]]> Tue, 06 Dec 2011 22:13:39 GMT Dan Gottlieb http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/07/how-did-you-accept-your-sci?tr=171737#tr__171737 http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/07/how-did-you-accept-your-sci?tr=171737#tr__171737 Tue, 06 Dec 2011 19:53:37 GMT 6wheel'dMomma http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/07/how-did-you-accept-your-sci?tr=171356#tr__171356 http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/07/how-did-you-accept-your-sci?tr=171356#tr__171356 Since my hubby m i are tending to their business on a daily basis i haven't been able to to go the hospital much, therefore mom is there day n night and keeps me posted.
we understand this is going to be a looong road and alot of hard work and persistance, which he is real determined. we also realize he may not regain much mobility but the efforts are goin to be made. i try to keep posted on everyones posts and documentary, which has been very helpful.  much thanks to you and other for feedback.   jerri]]> Thu, 01 Dec 2011 04:42:31 GMT jerri