http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/07/how-did-you-accept-your-sci Facing Disability’s Forum section has a new discussion thread that really needs your answers.  How did you deal with you new SCI and accepting your new identity in wheelchair? ]]> en-us Tue, 06 Dec 2011 22:13:39 GMT http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/07/how-did-you-accept-your-sci?tr=171752#tr__171752 http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/07/how-did-you-accept-your-sci?tr=171752#tr__171752
And Trish – because of your husband TBI, you are deprived of the compassion and gratitude you need and deserve. I wonder if it feels better or worse hearing how Jeff and Joe appreciate their wives?
You work hard, you sometimes become emotionally and spiritually malnourished, I hope that you are able to feel kindness and compassion for this good woman who works so hard to do the right thing.]]> Tue, 06 Dec 2011 22:13:39 GMT Dan Gottlieb http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/07/how-did-you-accept-your-sci?tr=171737#tr__171737 http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/07/how-did-you-accept-your-sci?tr=171737#tr__171737 Tue, 06 Dec 2011 19:53:37 GMT 6wheel'dMomma http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/07/how-did-you-accept-your-sci?tr=171356#tr__171356 http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/07/how-did-you-accept-your-sci?tr=171356#tr__171356 Since my hubby m i are tending to their business on a daily basis i haven't been able to to go the hospital much, therefore mom is there day n night and keeps me posted.
we understand this is going to be a looong road and alot of hard work and persistance, which he is real determined. we also realize he may not regain much mobility but the efforts are goin to be made. i try to keep posted on everyones posts and documentary, which has been very helpful.  much thanks to you and other for feedback.   jerri]]> Thu, 01 Dec 2011 04:42:31 GMT jerri http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/07/how-did-you-accept-your-sci?tr=171242#tr__171242 http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/07/how-did-you-accept-your-sci?tr=171242#tr__171242
One word: eloquent!]]> Wed, 30 Nov 2011 13:11:46 GMT 12401-Jeff http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/07/how-did-you-accept-your-sci?tr=171197#tr__171197 http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/07/how-did-you-accept-your-sci?tr=171197#tr__171197
O from ormond bch, c5-6 incomplete

ps. hats off, u a hella of a Women.

]]> Wed, 30 Nov 2011 05:47:30 GMT omar http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/07/how-did-you-accept-your-sci?tr=171193#tr__171193 http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/07/how-did-you-accept-your-sci?tr=171193#tr__171193
We wives could do all this before the paralysis, we were just training you to do it.  When my husband and I first got married, I cut the yard in circles, designed the Purdue P in the backyard and got the line all tangled on the weed whacker.  My husband said…errr…ummm…I think I’ll cut the grass from now on.  I thought good, plan worked.

Then came the accident.  We were taking our young sons on vacation.  A teenage driver crossed into the oncoming lanes of traffic on the highway.  My husband is a C3 quad with a TBI.  So yes, I have taken out the trash for 10 years.  I have done the lawn for the last 10 years.  I’ve essentially raised our 2 sons solo since they were in 1st and 2nd grades.  They are now in high school. 

I managed to get through student driving with one and the other is coming in 6 months.  I have rewired a kitchen dimmer switch.  I’ve hauled countless boxes up and down from the attic.  I’ve stood on ladders to put Christmas lights on the house.  I’ve managed flooded basements, toilets, clogged showers and sinks.  I’ve put air in tires, moved furniture, fixed wheelchairs, hospital beds and suction machines.  I’ve shoveled snow from the driveway for the last 10 winters.  I’ve even chipped up 4 inches of ice using garden tools and a sledge hammer just so my husband could get his wheelchair out to our van.  I’ve painted bedrooms, installed a surround sound system and just this week I replace the handle on the toilet.  Tonight when I got home from the CVS, I found an opossum in the garage, on top of a curtain rod above the garage window.  Now I must learn to play Billy the Exterminator. 

10 years ago, I also spent every ounce of my energy helping my husband in rehab for 9 months.  I managed a 50K remodel of our house while he was in rehab.  I purchased vehicles solo.  I got POA and did everything necessary to get him on SSDI, Medicare and retired with full benefits from his employment.  I hired a lawyer to recover as much as possible from the accident we were in.  I hired nurses, trained them, found doctors and have chewed out more insurance companies and case managers than I care to remember.  I also work a full time job in order to provide income and insurance benefits to my family. 

And I will tell you that some days I have hidden in my bathroom and cried because I can’t believe that I have taken the trash out and cut the lawn solo for the last 10 years.  After a hair raising drive with my teenage son, the tears have flowed because I’m so sad that I have lost my partner.  I get choked up too because I’m always the driver and never the passenger with my husband.  My heart weeps for what has changed for both myself and my husband.  As wives, acceptance for our new role isn’t easy either.  I most likely will never get there.  But the trash piles up, the grass continues to grow and the snow falls.

I’m sure you both know you are blessed with wonderful wives that are so much more than lawn and garbage detail. 
]]> Wed, 30 Nov 2011 03:47:40 GMT Trish-411 http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/07/how-did-you-accept-your-sci?tr=171169#tr__171169 http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/07/how-did-you-accept-your-sci?tr=171169#tr__171169
You better be careful with that saying "It all starts with love," didn't Jane Seymour and Kays Jewelers copyright it?

Oops, I'm wrong.  That's the old Kays Jeweler campaign.  The new campaign is "Open Hearts."

nevermind...I just thought some levity would help.


]]> Tue, 29 Nov 2011 20:28:27 GMT 12401-Jeff http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/07/how-did-you-accept-your-sci?tr=171150#tr__171150 http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/07/how-did-you-accept-your-sci?tr=171150#tr__171150
I want to address you and your father as simply father and daughter.
At this stage of his injury, no one knows what will come back and what will not. I have been a C6 quadriplegic for 32 years this month. My cord sever was complete and I have no function below my nipple line. My biceps work well so I can flex my arms but I have week triceps. My fingers don't work at all. I get catheterized a few times a day and have come to make that a simple part of my life. My bowel routine is the same as was described earlier. Thank God I have very few accidents. I drive independently and I have traveled around the world.

But that's enough body stuff. Let's talk about the big picture of life. What is it that you want for your life ultimately? Same with your father? If you are like most humans, what we want is a sense of well-being, a feeling that we are making a contribution to another human, we all want love and good intimate relations.

Maybe not at the moment, but you can have all of those things regardless of what your body looks like or does or doesn't do.
I've counseled many people who were in the process of dying. All of them said that what matters most in life to them is loved ones.
Even people with significant disabilities, their only regret is that they didn't spend more time with the people they love.

So of course, do everything you can to help your father have a healthier body. But this is also an opportunity for you to get closer to him-to care for a vulnerable man. Without words, you can show him that he is loved, lovable and a valuable human being. You can do that with your eyes whether they are tearful with sadness or happy with the joy of being with him.

I have a good life. I have a hard life. I never feel cursed and I often feel blessed. That's because I love many people and I am told they love me. I have well-being – even when I suffer.

It all starts with love.]]> Tue, 29 Nov 2011 19:34:44 GMT Dan Gottlieb http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/07/how-did-you-accept-your-sci?tr=171144#tr__171144 http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/07/how-did-you-accept-your-sci?tr=171144#tr__171144 Try calling Mr. Linehan at 800-266-9535.  He is a phenomenal advocate.  I know in my State , you must wait 2 years after first applying for Medicare/Medicaid to become eligible for those programs.  Also, contact the Center for Independent Living.  You can find the one closest to you at http://www.ilru.org/html/publications/directory/index.html.  Catholic Charities may also be able to help you.  I too have great difficulty paying for my medical needs but have gotten some help from local charities.  It is maddening that I worked hard for 50 years and now cannot get the help I need to try to get better.]]> Tue, 29 Nov 2011 17:35:55 GMT Debra http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/07/how-did-you-accept-your-sci?tr=171030#tr__171030 http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/07/how-did-you-accept-your-sci?tr=171030#tr__171030 Mon, 28 Nov 2011 15:16:05 GMT matt http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/07/how-did-you-accept-your-sci?tr=170830#tr__170830 http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/07/how-did-you-accept-your-sci?tr=170830#tr__170830 How long have you been a "quad"?  Sounds more like an incomplete quad which is what I am classified as.  My injury was a year and 3 months ago and I am about in the same situation as you as far as capabilities go.  I can walk short distances with a walker but cannot use a manual wheelchair as my hands hurt so badly.  I am having trouble getting the therapy I need because my co-pay for each session is so high.  I am not eligible for medicare/medicaid until February 2013.  Do you know of any websites that I can go to that can show me how to train myself?  I am completely on my own and have no one that can help me pay for therapy.  I have contacted several organizations but none will help financially.  I am afraid my window for recovery is closing if I don't get the proper therapy soon.  Any thing you could suggest would be deeply appreciated.  Thanks.]]> Thu, 24 Nov 2011 09:21:53 GMT Debra http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/07/how-did-you-accept-your-sci?tr=170803#tr__170803 http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/07/how-did-you-accept-your-sci?tr=170803#tr__170803 Wed, 23 Nov 2011 20:18:54 GMT matt http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/07/how-did-you-accept-your-sci?tr=170801#tr__170801 http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/07/how-did-you-accept-your-sci?tr=170801#tr__170801 Wed, 23 Nov 2011 19:06:45 GMT jerri http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/07/how-did-you-accept-your-sci?tr=170607#tr__170607 http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/07/how-did-you-accept-your-sci?tr=170607#tr__170607 Mon, 21 Nov 2011 15:33:17 GMT matt http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/07/how-did-you-accept-your-sci?tr=170456#tr__170456 http://www.spinalcordinjury-paralysis.org/discussions/healing-the-mind-and/2011/11/07/how-did-you-accept-your-sci?tr=170456#tr__170456 Sat, 19 Nov 2011 01:17:25 GMT jerri