It has been almost five years since my accident that left me a T-10 par. Will I ever except the fact I can not walk or will ever walk again? It took over two years for me to accept this fact I will never walk. I keep hopes that someday we will be cured or partially cured. I am 48 years old and was dedicated daily runner prior to my accident. Yes, I miss my old life very much and it has effected me as well as my family. After a while we are forced to accept our new identity and move on with life. It is what it is and we have to make the best of it.
I believe if you are heavily overdosed on medications, this causes us to focus on our past and get down a lot about life. What has helped me overcome my sadness was excercise. I started to work out and have regained much strength as I had before my accident. It has helped me be more independent. It has also helped me delete many drugs I was on and I cope much better.. I highly recommend this to all. There still is never a day that goes by that I wish I was normal, but I try to make the best out of each and everyday. If we are depressed it just makes life around us negative. It passes on to our families. I have found if I am happy then the people around me our happy. I never give up hope for a cure . This gives me goals and a future to look forward too. I wish everyone well .
Best Regards,
Joe Monte

I am 46 and a T10 parap. I was a flight intstructor and airshow back up pilot in a Russian fighter bomber jet. I broke my back jumping dirtbike on the day after Xmas 2005. I shattered and compressed all my T vertebrea as well as my feet and legs. I spent New Years eve in the hospital trying to cope with the fact my life had changed.the doctors gave me a 1% chance of walking again. I was devistated just as we all are at first. now  I  have never accepted that i am handicapped because I do yard work and do carpentry work as well all from my wheelchair.
I am not on medicair or medicaid because they wont give it to me.I havent seen a doctor in years because the cost involved. I was also told I have hpyer sensativity because everything below my chest is always on fire.Yet I take only advil and suffer from a lot of pain.Being this way and not having any help really hurts my heart,I tried disability advocates and this sight and have got no where,I cannot accept  my fate because I cant, I have to work to eat and pay for my advil habit. Life goes on even though I may only be half the man I used to be.Im still a man and a proud one too.

     i was absolutely paralyzed (hemi) C4-C5 & rec'd a brain injury. someone sent me a magazine article, titled, "Give Thanks in All things." i started a gratitude-list and forced myself to find something good, even though i was sick as a dog and had pain 8-9/10, 24 hours a day.
     i wrote everyday, focusing on the positive. saying things like, 'i'm so thankful i got a shower today" or that so & so came to visit. 
     being faithful to my gratitude list, i wrote everyday. then something happened to me; a huge pivotal change, just under five months of the event. a sense of peace overcame me. for the first time, i felt gratititude for my new situation & wrote, "dear father, i'm so thankful for what happened to me. i'm so thankful to be given another opportunity to live; to be given the chance to clean the dust & the cob webs outta my life, so that i can go where i wanna go after this life."
     ever since i had gratitude for my new situation, i found contentment. and i think contentment is the greatest treasure we can have.

i can hear your strength, thanks for sharing. & i can relate, although, after two years i got medicare.
hey, i have a friend in Alaska who flies an old russian bomber, mind if i share ur story w/him?
best wishes & blessings to you.
oh, where do u live & where were u injured?

When any human experiences extreme adversity or trauma, the great pain is around alienation. So not only do our bodies suffer and therefore our minds suffer, we find ourselves alone in the world. Even our closest friends and family cannot understand our experience. And in our isolation, we are all at risk for becoming self-absorbed.
One of the themes  we keep coming back to on these pages is about sharing stories with kindred spirits. We all get it and we all know we are with kindred spirits.
All humans regardless of their suffering tend to heal more quickly when they are with kindred spirits.
How do we cope? We are doing it right now.

By the way, this isn't about accepting a new identity in a wheelchair, it's about reclaiming our identity despite the wheelchair.

I HAVE BEEN BLESSED AND ALTHOUGH I HAVE BEEN IMPRISONED BECAUSE A GIRL LIVING WITH ME WANTED MY HOME AND CARS,I WAS SET UP BY HER AND RECIEVED A DRUG CHARGE AND LOST 5 VETTES AND MY HOME AND 3 YEARS OF MY FREEDOM. ALL THIS IN A WHEELCHAIR.i SPENT THAT TIME WORKING IN THE DUNGEON TORTURE CHAMBERS PREVENTING SUICIDES. I TURNED A VERY BAD SITUATION INTO A BLESSING FOR OTHERS. I NOW HAVE A BEAUTIFUL GIRLFRIEND AND MANY TRUE FRIENDS THAT STAYED BY MY SIDE THE WHOLE TIME. I HAVE BEEN BLESSED AND AM HAPPY.

Joe Monte what a great read. Ditto. 41/2 years post C-6. Excepting life and thankful for the previous 50yrs. Once I started to figure out this new body and got away from the pain medicine life has gotten better. Working out is my escape from pain .When I  look beyond me and see the goodness that sournds me, wow. I am a lucky guy. Try harder, Matt

Good for you Matt ! Reading your post, as well as Joe's, is very uplifting and inspiring.I've been a para for almost 30 years and it's just wonderful to hear how you have tackled your new life, and accepted and gotten on with it! I especially appreciate how you say you can look around and see the goodness that surrounds you........how special that makes.......you ! Thanks for sharing !

I simply do not accept my SCI,
I just live with it fighting to make a cure happen. A cure will happen on day, and that will be because of people who instead of accepting SCI decided to fight it (like Chris reeve). Like it or not the ones who accept SCI and have a happy life with it are just loosers.
Then if you want to discuss it on a psychological level I have no problem, I did my graduate thesis in Psychology, so don't try to sell me BS please, Paolo

Hey Paolo,
I think it is great you are a fighter.  But don't knock the people who are accepting.  We each have to find a way that gets us through the day.  Here is  suggestion from a now less fierce longterm (30+ yrs, C5-6) fighter to you.  Don't put off getting out and participating in your  present condition on the bet that a cure is coming soon.  Keep your body and mind primed for tomorrow's cure but live as if this is it and have a backup plan.  I know a cure will come but most likely not for me.  Does this realization make me a loser?
 

Hey Mary,
I have been living with SCI for almost 7 years now, I work part time, I travel a lot, I have even more social life than average "up right" people. I thank you for your suggestion but for myself I am doing fine, don't worry.
I for sure respect people like you that have been living for so long with a worse SCI than mine.
What is disturbing to me is to her from many people living with SCI that life with SCI is great and that they don't even think about a cure, but what they want is just a better care.
The point is that being w/c bound h24 7/7 365/365 drives most of us crazy to the point that we don't even dream and fight for a cure as common sense would suggest (if you like psychology that is a form of the Stckholm Syndrome) just like AIDS people have done and are doing.
So when I say "loosers" I refer to the ones that have lost a rational view of life with SCI. Do you think a person with common sense can be happy with life when we dealing with B&B the way we do?
A cure will never happen if we are happy with the life we have because we wouldn't fight for it with passion and dedication.

Joe,  I concur and agree with your outlook and remedy.   Excercise and my Standing Frame have allowed me to get back much of my strengh.

I also agree that a positive outlook and demeanor are important.  Put yourself in someone else's shoes, would you want to hangout and be with a depressed and negative individual?  I know I wouldn't want to hang out with someone like me if I dwelled on the bad things.

I look at the positive:  (1) I'm not the person who has to take out the trash, that's my Wife.   (2) I'm no longer responsible for the lawn care, that's my Wife.

Did I mention that I have a wonderful Wife?

Jeff,
You had me laughing about your wife. We are both Blessed with great wives. My wife too takes care of the lawn and a lot of the landscaping. I do miss working with her in so many ways but I guess our wives are the head of the household.
I know it would of been much worse and I would probably be depressed if I didn't have my wife. Thank God for such good women in the world. I wish you and your family a very Blessed holiday season.
Best Regards,
Joe

Joe,

It was amazing.  One day I'm on top of the chimney of my three story Victorian, the next thing I remember my Wife has  the power of attorney, sold the house, bought a new one, taught two kids to drive and actually could plunge out a toilet.

She couldn't or wouldn't do any of this before my accident....I guess I taught her!

 if u don't mind me asking.. what all has the c-6 injury affected with your body? my dad has severe sci on c-6 from a surgery and we are just learning everything about it. we have a million question so we are researching everything we can. thanks, jerri 

Jerri, sorry to hear about your dad. I was classified a quad after my accident and had very little use of my arms and hands. No blatter no bowels. Two weeks in icu then off to Barrows for six weeks of rehab. Then a year and a half of out patient PT/OT. Somewhere around the third to forth month I started to get my left leg back to where I could start trying to walk behind a walker next came bowels and shortly after blatter.  Were still not a 100% on the bowel and blatter but getting closer. Hands are good with fingers getting better all the time. Still lacking a hip flexer and dorsey on the right leg but an a.f.o. helps that drag leg. The trunk is coming along.  I believed what helped me the most was getting in a pool and gym as soon as possible. It is a long road and I am a newbee compared to some of these vets but hang in there it gets better, Jerri feel free to ask any question and I will be happy to try and answer. Try harder, Matt.

thanks again matt-- so when u said no bladder or bowels, u meant as in the colostomy ?? they put a temp colostomy on my dad. they say its temporary.. i just hopin they are right. mom just told me the other day as soon as his butt wound, temp n all  is stabalized, he will be moved to the rehabilitation center. which is another prayer being answered.

Jerri, I am sorry if I miss informed you. I was put on a bowel care program which boils down to a suppository every day. Hopefully your Dad will respond well to rehab and will be one day closer to normal. Take care, Matt 

Matt,
How long have you been a "quad"?  Sounds more like an incomplete quad which is what I am classified as.  My injury was a year and 3 months ago and I am about in the same situation as you as far as capabilities go.  I can walk short distances with a walker but cannot use a manual wheelchair as my hands hurt so badly.  I am having trouble getting the therapy I need because my co-pay for each session is so high.  I am not eligible for medicare/medicaid until February 2013.  Do you know of any websites that I can go to that can show me how to train myself?  I am completely on my own and have no one that can help me pay for therapy.  I have contacted several organizations but none will help financially.  I am afraid my window for recovery is closing if I don't get the proper therapy soon.  Any thing you could suggest would be deeply appreciated.  Thanks.

Debra, if there is any way you can get yourself in a pool I found this to be a huge help. As far as your hands and fingers get some play doe or a soft ball and work them. You will get them stronger and the pain will ease. Insert small objects into the clay and remove them with your fingers. Tough at first but this will get better. Thera band is cheap ask your P.T. for a 4ft chunk you can do a lot with this. A therapy ball can do wonders for your core. Use your walker for squats. Hope this helps. Going on 41/2 yrs. Matt

Martin,
Try calling Mr. Linehan at 800-266-9535.  He is a phenomenal advocate.  I know in my State , you must wait 2 years after first applying for Medicare/Medicaid to become eligible for those programs.  Also, contact the Center for Independent Living.  You can find the one closest to you at http://www.ilru.org/html/publications/directory/index.html.  Catholic Charities may also be able to help you.  I too have great difficulty paying for my medical needs but have gotten some help from local charities.  It is maddening that I worked hard for 50 years and now cannot get the help I need to try to get better.

Hi Jerri,

I want to address you and your father as simply father and daughter.
At this stage of his injury, no one knows what will come back and what will not. I have been a C6 quadriplegic for 32 years this month. My cord sever was complete and I have no function below my nipple line. My biceps work well so I can flex my arms but I have week triceps. My fingers don't work at all. I get catheterized a few times a day and have come to make that a simple part of my life. My bowel routine is the same as was described earlier. Thank God I have very few accidents. I drive independently and I have traveled around the world.

But that's enough body stuff. Let's talk about the big picture of life. What is it that you want for your life ultimately? Same with your father? If you are like most humans, what we want is a sense of well-being, a feeling that we are making a contribution to another human, we all want love and good intimate relations.

Maybe not at the moment, but you can have all of those things regardless of what your body looks like or does or doesn't do.
I've counseled many people who were in the process of dying. All of them said that what matters most in life to them is loved ones.
Even people with significant disabilities, their only regret is that they didn't spend more time with the people they love.

So of course, do everything you can to help your father have a healthier body. But this is also an opportunity for you to get closer to him-to care for a vulnerable man. Without words, you can show him that he is loved, lovable and a valuable human being. You can do that with your eyes whether they are tearful with sadness or happy with the joy of being with him.

I have a good life. I have a hard life. I never feel cursed and I often feel blessed. That's because I love many people and I am told they love me. I have well-being – even when I suffer.

It all starts with love.

Hey Doctor Dan,

You better be careful with that saying "It all starts with love," didn't Jane Seymour and Kays Jewelers copyright it?

Oops, I'm wrong.  That's the old Kays Jeweler campaign.  The new campaign is "Open Hearts."

nevermind...I just thought some levity would help.

Jeff and Joe,

We wives could do all this before the paralysis, we were just training you to do it.  When my husband and I first got married, I cut the yard in circles, designed the Purdue P in the backyard and got the line all tangled on the weed whacker.  My husband said…errr…ummm…I think I’ll cut the grass from now on.  I thought good, plan worked.

Then came the accident.  We were taking our young sons on vacation.  A teenage driver crossed into the oncoming lanes of traffic on the highway.  My husband is a C3 quad with a TBI.  So yes, I have taken out the trash for 10 years.  I have done the lawn for the last 10 years.  I’ve essentially raised our 2 sons solo since they were in 1st and 2nd grades.  They are now in high school. 

I managed to get through student driving with one and the other is coming in 6 months.  I have rewired a kitchen dimmer switch.  I’ve hauled countless boxes up and down from the attic.  I’ve stood on ladders to put Christmas lights on the house.  I’ve managed flooded basements, toilets, clogged showers and sinks.  I’ve put air in tires, moved furniture, fixed wheelchairs, hospital beds and suction machines.  I’ve shoveled snow from the driveway for the last 10 winters.  I’ve even chipped up 4 inches of ice using garden tools and a sledge hammer just so my husband could get his wheelchair out to our van.  I’ve painted bedrooms, installed a surround sound system and just this week I replace the handle on the toilet.  Tonight when I got home from the CVS, I found an opossum in the garage, on top of a curtain rod above the garage window.  Now I must learn to play Billy the Exterminator. 

10 years ago, I also spent every ounce of my energy helping my husband in rehab for 9 months.  I managed a 50K remodel of our house while he was in rehab.  I purchased vehicles solo.  I got POA and did everything necessary to get him on SSDI, Medicare and retired with full benefits from his employment.  I hired a lawyer to recover as much as possible from the accident we were in.  I hired nurses, trained them, found doctors and have chewed out more insurance companies and case managers than I care to remember.  I also work a full time job in order to provide income and insurance benefits to my family. 

And I will tell you that some days I have hidden in my bathroom and cried because I can’t believe that I have taken the trash out and cut the lawn solo for the last 10 years.  After a hair raising drive with my teenage son, the tears have flowed because I’m so sad that I have lost my partner.  I get choked up too because I’m always the driver and never the passenger with my husband.  My heart weeps for what has changed for both myself and my husband.  As wives, acceptance for our new role isn’t easy either.  I most likely will never get there.  But the trash piles up, the grass continues to grow and the snow falls.

I’m sure you both know you are blessed with wonderful wives that are so much more than lawn and garbage detail. 

i hope i find someone like you, the true blue type. i'm very thankful i can manage on my own changing bed, cook, clean, toilet, dogs, floods, hurricanes, shop, trash, $20 bucks for lawn, everything for the past 20 yrs Alone, not lonely but Alone.

O from ormond bch, c5-6 incomplete

ps. hats off, u a hella of a Women.