I don’t know about y’all with spinal cord injuries, but for me when I dream, half the time I am using a wheelchair and half the time I am walking, running, skipping and jumping, no wheelchair in sight. Well maybe not exactly half the time and somehow I know you get my meaning that in my dreams, I’m shifting, changing with effortless ease from walking to rolling from rolling to walking.
Did you know that we humans are naturally the most inconstant, aqueous and most innovative of all beings on this planet? That we are born so adaptable, born to change moment to moment, inch by inch that if we don’t adapt, shift or change we shrink from our true nature, the adaptee, creating increasing pain, suffering, fear, struggle and isolation in our lives?
In one of my sleeping dreams I was running with feet and legs when I stopped, looked and there he was and it shouldn’t have worked, it never did before. He was so conservative, I was so liberal. He so large like Andre the Giant and I so small, so small that when I sat on his lap I was lost on him like a tiny speck all sparkle and glitter resting on his garment, I was so
Lilliputian. But there was this little niggles feeling that spread inside of me, so strong, so powerful, so right that said YES!
Then together we laughed, great jostling, puffy puff the magic dragon breathy guffaws, remember we’re still in my sleeping dream and that tripped the taut wire of my wanting for sameness that held me back. When we laughed; it felt perfect because it was not perfect, it was different and it was a change from what was.
That niggle feeling from my unlocked and expanded dream intuition told me that it was right, beyond what I worried that my friends said I shouldn’t or that I couldn’t, that we weren’t the same or that I had to stay the same. At first blush it was the visual lack of sameness that let doubt close my eyes against the niggling feeling of change. When I let change in it feels easy like advancing from what is into dissimilar into discomfort into stillness and beyond into naturally shifting change.
As human beings our true nature is to change with flow, ease and feeling just like the undulating, swaying movement of a boat on the ocean. I’m reminded of Rumi’s Cups and Ocean poem, “these forms we seem to be are cups floating in an ocean of living consciousness. They fill and sink without leaving an arc of bubbles or any good-bye spray. What we are is the ocean, too near to see, though we swim in it and drink it in. Don’t be a cup with a dry rim, or someone who rides all night and never knows the horse beneath his thighs, the surging that carries him along.”
When I try to halt the shifting movements of my life, wanting for what was to be, resisting my bobbing lifeboat on my water world of change I feel sick to my stomach, fearful, angry and rigidly stuck. Pushing back at my life changes, hoping to force the river of my life away, creates an unbalance that keeps me held in swirling eddy’s repeating the same sad actions, around, around I go, with diddly-squat. In my past this spiral of resistance and resentment had been devastating with miserable outcomes. So I began creating a survival tool kit of coping actions I could use when I was in cemented in these feelings. These tools can interrupt the twin “R’s” spin I’m in and grab on to my instinctive human nature shoulders with a shake sending me back into the flow of my life river once more.
Over the years my tool kit has overflowed with whachamacallits, thingamabobs, gadgets and of course the traditional hammer and nail. But none of it costs a dime although they do take time. I guarantee their trustworthiness, they have helped me unlock my death grip and kept me divine in the face of change. My best tool is my breath. When I feel the stiff as a board body signs appear, holding my breath, tunnel vision and seasickness, I intentionally breathe five deep breathes with a pause of three second between inhale and exhale.
Next I look around me allowing my tunnel vision to enlarge thus changing my perspective of the circumstances I find myself in. These two actions set me free. If I can close my eyes in place of looking around I am transformed into the divine becoming one with everything, feeling the surging power of this change within me. I’m reanimated laughing at my silly desire to reject my true nature, an ever-changing adaptee!
Desire urges me on, as fear bridles me, Giordano Bruno
Blessings to All, with Joy Candace
© 2013 Candace Cable
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