I am almost 59 and have been SCI T-4/5 since 09/15/2002. Ever since I was 7 I have had cats and dogs. I saw my first dog help my grandfather deal with his wife of 53 years dying. Smokey would put a ball in his hands and before you knew it grandad was laughing as Smokey chased it over and over again. Before I became a "wheeler" I would take my Sheltie to nursing homes and she would work her magic and the people were young again sharing stories of pets they had. I always said I was the jerk on the end of the leash.
My dog visited me in rehab and acted like he always rode in elevators and it was if he knew where I was. When I came home he sensed when I was feeling lower than dirt and stayed by my side. After he died I got my current Sheltie who was basically a kennel dog for 4 years before we met. She is afraid of her own shadow and hides from everyone but my roommate and I. Long story anyway...
I was able to get my current cat and Shetland Sheepdog listed as "therapy animals" so I didn't have to pay extra rent or have an additional deposit where I have lived the last year. My doctor wrote a creative letter emphasizing how they both helped me deal with depression and kept lowered my stress level.
There are days when I wake up and wish I hadn't survived the auto accident due to not having enough money to do thingsI love, due to money worries more than being a "wheeler". BUT no matter how I feel my dog is so HAPPY to be alive! I am her third owner and and if she ever sees anyone if we are home she stays in my bedroom. If we are out on a "wheel walk" when I stop she goes underneath my wheelchair. I know that happy thoughts rebuild brain neurons and it is hard to be real sad when my dog is jumping up and down insisting on being petted. None of my dogs ever had any special training so can't be "official" therapy dogs but they do help "keep me keeping on".

Chrissy,
I landed in a wheelchair 9/15/2002 (T-4/5). This happened 3 months after I turned 50 and my divorce was final. I was driving upset and unbuckled because a man I was involved with broke up with me. If I had been buckled I would have died when my truck rolled over. In a lot of ways I wish I had died. I have been told the reason for my accident was that I had quilt taking an anti-depressant cold turkey a few months before. I had also been told that I deserved to have the accident. I never had gone to church except for weddings, funeral, and craft shows before April of that year when I went to a the church of the minister who I was cleaning for. I wish I had some epiphany after the accident about how blessed I was to survive or had the kind of faith that you write about. For many years I would go to bed thinking "if I should die before I wake, thank-you God" and I would wake up thinking,"okay God if I am meant to be alive for some reason can I please to what that is so I can die". I received a letter from a highway patrolman after I had written asking for the details of the accident. Besides the report this man took the time to write this; " I have often wondered why a person survived a horrible accident that you have when other people die from a minor accident. I think these thoughts as I go to tell someone that a loved one of theirs had died. The only thing I can come up with is that there is unfinished business for you to do". This has helped me on days like yours (without the pain and vomiting) when I am getting through the day 5 minutes at a time. Here is a man who is not just being nice saying, "you were meant to live". I would trade any of my worse days walking for any good day I have as a wheeler. Yes I have lived to see my son graduate from college. I am currently with a nice man who I met when I was earning my Associate Arts degree. Due to my relationship with men I don't believe in love or trust the man that tells me he feels this way. Love is a 4 letter word. I know that my physical body healed faster than my broken heart which isn't healed even now. My son has barely had any contact with me since the accident and lives in the same town as I do. I would love to get him to tell me why so we could hash out it out because I would like to think that if I were to die without this he would have some hard issues to deal with. More days than not I think he buried me when I became paralyzed. Heres the thing. I believe it is my life and if I want to end it; I should have the ways and means to do so. The last time I tried to kill myself was 6 years ago and I woke up with a broken leg in the hospital. At the urging of my doctor I found a therapist I saw each week for over a year who could take the "psych" babble and turn it into "Ginny" talk and it helped as did the discovery of an anti-depressant. I suffered from depression for years before the accident and never taken any drugs to cope. Cleaning houses to help pay for my son's college education, crying, and creating helped me cope just fine. I have felt that if there is a God, he, she, it, has a warped sense of humor for me to be wheeler and for lousy things to happen to nice people and real creeps to have what they need and want. Also that whoever believes," money doesn't buy happiness" has always had more than they need. I never had any debt until a few years ago when I moved from the house I shared with my brother to another city with my current guy who was going to school 4 years ago. Now due to the difference in the things other states provide (for ex. Iowa Medicaid pays for "sexy underwear" (Depends) whereas Missouri doesn't), modified van expenses, price of gas, pet care (alias therapy animals who relieve my stress when they aren't sick and causing it), and general life expenses I have a maxed out credit card I can't begin to pay the minimum amount on and another credit card this month I can't pay the minimum amt. on. So would I rather be dead than alive? You betcha. Do I think there is some purpose to my life? I sure as Hell hope there is and that I find it NOW! My shyness flew out the window with a pressure sore I got on my butt while recovering from my accident. I had it for 2 years and I told the doctor he could hang my bare a...out the window if it would cure it. I am sure you feel the same way when it comes to our lower regions. For some reason it took my bowel program over 2 years to kick in and I have only had less than 20 unscheduled "accidents" in the last 7 years (yeah knock on wood). We all know people who being wheelers wouldn't change there own lives that much, people whose income came from working at a desk and weren't that active. I need nature and animals as much as I do clean air and water. I miss sitting on the grass or by a lake... As I am writing this I am realizing that what I miss and need the most is enough money to get out of debt, travel, and give some back to help animals and people. I have been able to find places to volunteer. What also helps me on my lousy days is to think about my cousins who died younger than I am who would love to be alive now even as a wheeler. Using H.A.L.T. helps me to. I ask myself Am I hungry? (hard for me to tell since I don't "feel' hunger, I can tell when I am feeling irritated or sadder that I probably need to eat) Am I angry? Yeah I am angry that I am a wheeler but there are times I am angry about something doors to stores that are a b.. to get through so I can either accept it or complain. Am I lonesome? If I am I can call someone up or write a letter to a pen-pal. Am I tired? I can take a nap. It also helps me to think of people who have it worse than I do. I would rather be the one who is a wheeler than to have my son a wheeler, no matter how hurt I feel because I am not sure if he gives a rat's #### about me. How awful it would be to want desperately to live and be dying? You and me feel just the opposite sometimes. I think having a warped sense of humor helps too. I do my own finger bit to poo and if "regular" people had any idea where my finger had been that morning...
My brother finally got a clue why I have tried to kill myself the last time I tried. Oh that experience had me feeling that I was lucky I didn't end up brain damaged or worse. I have always been pro-choice and I truly resent the fact that people who feel the way we do about being wheelers can't get an easy way out. I am not sure if/when I would do it but by gosh I want that right. I don't know if my rambling has helped but please Chrissy, know this I "have been there" and may be "there" again and you and I are not alone. Keep on writing it has always helped me!